“And I daenae want to leave ye,” Emilie admitted.
Her voice broke again, but she decided to stop fighting against it. It would be silly of her to pretend that this wasn’t hurting her, to pretend that her heart was not pounding as if it would fly out of her chest and break upon the floor.
“But I have to,” she continued. “Like I said, yer faither doesnae want to be married to me any longer. And this is his castle, and if he wants me gone, I have to go.”
“Why cannae he be the one to go?” Aurora pleaded. “He could go live with the nuns.”
Despite the tension of the moment, Emilie chuckled.
“Could ye imagine yer faither with a bunch of nuns?” she asked, humor lacing her tone despite herself. “They would go runnin’ for the hills the very moment they saw him, throwin’ holy water over their shoulders the entire way.”
This elicited a giggle out of Louis, but it was short-lived. A moment later, both children were crying and clutching at her again.
And this time, Emilie just decided to let them. She would not get a moment like this again.
She would not be able to hold them. She would not be able to tell them that she loved them. She would not be able to see them grow up.
The moment she walked out the castle doors and was whisked away to the abbey, she would never see them again.
So, she allowed herself this. A few moments to cling to them and to breathe them in like they were doing to her.
“It’s goin’ to be all right,” she cooed after a few moments had passed. “I ken that it hurts now. But ye’ll be all right without me. Ye have each other.”
The twins nodded, sniffles filling the air as they both stepped back and looked up at her.
“We will always have each other,” Louis began.
“But we want to have ye, too,” Aurora finished.
Emilie chuckled again, a sound that held no joy.
“Ye will always have me,” she promised. “Even if I cannae be with ye, I will always be out there, lovin’ ye. Do ye hear me? I will never stop lovin’ ye and I will never stop prayin’ for ye.”
The twins stared up at her, and Emilie allowed herself a couple more seconds. Finally, when the force of their tears had seemed to calm slightly, Emilie squeezed their shoulders one more time.
“I have to go get me things,” she explained. “Yer faither is havin’ a carriage readied for me. And I’m certain if I’m nae down there soon it’ll put him in a frightful mood.”
Tears sprang into the twins’ eyes again, but they allowed her to stand. They hugged her legs, giving her one final squeeze before stepping back.
Immediately, their hands found one another.
“I love ye,” she told them both. “Always.”
“We love ye too,” Aurora said resolutely.
Louis was too overcome with his tears to say much of anything. Emilie felt like a part of her heart broke off and stayed with them as she turned on her heel and strode from the room.
She fought back the tears the entire way back to her chambers. Emilie had allowed herself to cry with the twins, but she needed to put a stop to it for the time being.
If she lost control of herself now, then she would not be able to do what she needed to do to pull her things together and leave the castle.
The bedchambers she shared with Archer were empty when she stepped into them, and she thanked the Lord for that small mercy. Emilie didn’t know if she would be able to face him in that moment.
“I’d better make this quick,” she muttered to herself.
Emilie crossed the room, pulling open the armoire that she had been using since moving into Castle McGregor. The sight of all the gowns Archer had had made for her squeezed her heart.
She never would have thought it possible, but she was going to miss wearing these beautiful bits of clothing.