Either way, Emilie knew that she couldn’t spend another day trying to ignore him and feeling like she was operating in a world of in-betweens.
So, she toiled with the idea while the children painted silently behind her. She imagined what her life would be like if she returned to the abbey.
It wasn’t hard for her to imagine. Not when she had spent so long living there before she came to Castle McGregor.
Nothin’ ever changed there. Every day was the same.
There was a time that she had liked that, a time that she had craved the monotony of the day-to-day that the abbey provided.
But now that she had gotten out and ventured beyond its walls, now that she had met the twins, and met Archer. Now that she had realized all the ways in which she could trulylive.Could she go back to that?
Nay.
The word welled up inside her, quick and resolute in its truth. And it shocked Emilie how obvious it felt that this would be her answer.
Because, while she was certain that she could return to the abbey tomorrow and nothing would have changed, that didn’t mean that she would be happy there any longer. Even if the abbey hadn’t changed, deep down, she knew that she had.
And she didn’t think that she could be happy there, tucked away within the cloisters, never seeing Archer or the children ever again. She simply couldn’t bear it.
So, what does that mean then? That I stay here and see this marriage through?
The idea was an enticing one. Emilie had already experienced so much since getting married. And that had all been while she was fighting against it tooth and nail.
What would happen if she leaned into it? What would happen if she allowed herself to be at Castle McGregor and be a wife? Be a mother to the children?
What if she allowed herself to just be?
A thrill ran through Emilie at the thought, and she smiled despite herself. Because Emilie didn’t know the answer to the questions that she had just asked, but she did know without a shadow of a doubt that she was incredibly excited to figure it all out.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
The windows of the castle were illuminated by the sparkling lights within, marking a spot in the distance for Archer to focus on.
He’d been on the back of his horse for hours, riding at a slow pace as he allowed his mind to consider everything that he needed against everything that he wanted.
When he’d first left Thrums, Archer had had every intention of heading directly to the castle. But he’d still been so worked up, still so caught up in his own mind, that he’d not known exactly what he was going to do.
Now, hours later, he was finally on his way home with a hollowness in his stomach.
“Me Laird, welcome home,” the steward called out as Archer reached the castle and guided his horse toward the doors.
“Has Marcus already returned?” he asked, sliding out of the saddle and turning to look at the steward.
“Aye, me Laird,” the man answered with a nod. “He returned quite a few hours ago. He did seem a bit worried that ye had nae yet returned.”
Archer nodded, turning to glare at the castle before him. Light painted the gravel beneath his feet in a warm glow, and it all looked so inviting. It was so at odds with the feeling that was roiling within him.
“And me wife? Do ye ken where she is?”
The steward cocked his head to the side. “Lady Emilie? I havenae seen her. If ye’d like, I could fetch one of the maids and have them find her for ye.”
Archer shook his head, starting to walk toward the entrance of his home.
“That willnae be necessary,” he growled. “I’ll find her.”
Leaving the steward to care for his horse and tuck it away in the stables, Archer headed for the door. The moment he was inside, he paused to listen.
It was well past supper time, so he was not surprised that a hush seemed to have fallen over the castle. But as much as he strainedhis ears, he could not hear any noise from any direction that might tell him where his wife was.