At the abbey, while the other girls were tittering behind their hands about crushes or the cuteness of some of the men who delivered their supplies from the market, Emilie had never been able to understand.
But now? Now she understood entirely.
Her desire for Archer was pervading every one of her senses, digging itself deeper and deeper into her. His hands left her hair, their kiss deepening as he began to explore her body.
Now I understand why some nuns struggle with their vows.
The thought flickered through her mind, splashing ice through her veins and dampening her desire.
Her vows. The important ones. The ones that she had made to God, not the ones that she had made to Archer.
She was going against them right now. Giving in to the sins of the flesh, allowing a man to touch her.
Emilie wrenched herself back, her cheeks flaring with embarrassment as she broke their kiss. Her eyes flickered to her husband.
Archer was staring at her, confusion written clearly on every line of his face.
“What?” he began, but Emilie shook her head.
As quickly as she could, Emilie stepped out of Archer’s embrace. Her shame grew with every inch of space that she put between them.
“I shouldnae,” she stammered, her mind casting about for some explanation of what she was experiencing. Something that she could tell him as to why she had caused their kissing to come to a screeching halt.
But there was nothing. The feelings and thoughts that were rushing through her were too complex. In that moment, Emilie herself didn’t even understand them, and so she couldn’t really put words to them.
So, she just shook her head.
“I cannae,” she murmured, retreating even further.
Her husband just stared at her, watching every move she made. And Emilie couldn’t handle it. She couldn’t stay standing in front of him for another moment.
Because even though she knew allowing Archer to kiss her had been wrong, Emilie knew that if she stayed there for another moment longer, she would allow it to happen again.
So, without saying another word, Emilie turned on her heel and all but ran back toward the castle.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Emilie stared at the page in front of her, doing her best to keep her mind focused on the book that was resting in her lap. Since the kiss that she’d shared with Archer the afternoon before, Emilie had done her best to avoid seeing him at all.
When she returned to the castle after the kiss, the first thing she did was find Catherine. She’d asked the maid to escort her to the library, and that is where she had stayed.
Emilie had stayed there, losing herself in a book until well after, when she knew Archer would already be in bed. She’d crept into the room as lightly as possible, doing her best not to disturb him.
And then, that morning, when she had felt him jostling about as he’d woken up and readied for the day, Emilie had pretended to be asleep.
It’s better this way,Emilie had constantly reassured herself.
When she knew that the coast was clear, Emilie had risen from bed, dressed as simply and as quickly as she could, and retreated back to the library.
That was where she had been for the last few hours, and it was where she intended to stay for the remainder of the day.
“I ken I’ll have to face him soon,” she said aloud, finding solace in the act of speaking. “I still need to move forward with me plan of annoyin’ him into an annulment. But that can all happen tomorrow, when I have more of me wits about me.”
She smiled to herself, beginning to imagine how it would all unfold when she took up her plan again in the morning. Her eyes skimmed the page, barely taking in the words of the book on her lap.
The sound of the library door shutting with a thump filled the space, immediately grabbing Emilie’s attention. She glanced up, her gaze going over her shoulder in the direction of the door.
“Who in the heavens?” Emilie whispered to herself, keeping her voice low so that she would not be overheard.