No, no, no…
The lid was open.
I braced my hands on the edge of the coffin, my fingers curling so hard the wood creaked under my grip.My pulse roared in my ears.A single tear escaped before I could stop it.It was thick and hot, angry, violent.
“Neve,” I rasped.
Her name felt like blood in my mouth.
She lay perfectly still, dressed in a pale, delicate dress, and I knew she hadn’t chosen this dress.Her dark hair spilled across the silk like a halo.Neve.Her lips were soft.Her lashes were dark against her skin.
She looked like she was asleep.But she wasn’t.I could feel the truth pressed against my throat.They’d gotten to her before I could save her.
How many more would I have to bury?
I bowed my head, pressing my forehead to the cold wood, trying to breathe around the grief strangling me.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”
My voice broke.
I gripped the coffin harder.If I didn’t, I’d collapse.The agony tore out of my lungs in ragged gasps.
“If I hadn’t come back into your life… You were right there.”I choked.“And I didn’t get to you.I didn’t get to you in time.”
Another tear fell, then another, carving hot trails down my face I couldn’t wipe away because my hands wouldn’t stop shaking.
I reached into the coffin, my fingers trembling as I brushed the back of my knuckles along her cheek.
She was cold.It was so unlike her.Neve had been warm and full of life.But now, she was no longer my warm, frightened, stubborn girl.She wasn’t the woman who’d made me feel jealous of the sunlight that touched her skin.
“You weren’t supposed to go first.”My voice was barely audible.“You weren’t supposed to go at all.”
My chest seized.Something inside me cracked, and the pain was loud, deep, final.
I felt my legs go out, and I fell to my knees beside her coffin, my hands sliding against the wood as if I could anchor myself to it.As if gripping it hard enough could drag her back.
It couldn’t.I knew that.But I did it anyway.
“Take me,” I whispered.“Not her.Never her.”
The room flickered.I froze.A tremor ran through the floor.A low hum vibrated in the air.
Her face blurred slightly, like heat distortion.
“What—?”My breath stopped.
The hum got louder.My vision sparked white at the edges, like lightning flashing behind my eyes.For a moment, I thought I was losing my mind.
Then I heard it—a faint beeping.
One long.Two short.Beep.Beep-beep.
The coffin dissolved for half a heartbeat, then sharpened again.My chest clenched.
“Neve?”I whispered, panic clawing up my throat.
Her face changed.Or maybe it was the room that changed.Maybe it was me.But something was pulling me backward.Dragging me.Clawing me out of the dream even as I tried to hold onto her hand…