“Go, if you need to. I’m staying here.”
“Florence,” Forsythe growls. “Please. You’ll get sick all over again. What will you do if you pass out again? If you spike a fever again?”
“I’ll handle it.” Like I handle everything in my fucked up little life.
“You can’t keep us hostage by holding your health over our heads, Florence,” Forsythe growls. “It’s not fair to us.”
“Oh, but you can keep me hostage by doing that? How is that fair?”
Thayer blows out a breath and lifts his hands in a placating manner. “That’s not what we’re trying to do, killer. And I think you know that.”
“Well, it’s not what I’m trying to do either, but it doesn’t stop him from accusing me of it.” I throw up my hands in frustration. “I’m trying to keep what little dignity I have left. I know I’m just a lowborn commoner to the rest of you, but I’ve got some pride. And if I go with you, give up everything that I love to move to Bravonne, only to be called the royal whore? What does that leave me?”
“So you’re willing to die for your pride?” Grieves growls out, and for some reason that fucking hurts. That he’s not taking my side.
“We all gotta go sometime, right?” I say somewhat cavalierly because I don’t want to die. It's not like I’m looking forward to being sick for the rest of my life, to medicating myself into a stupor just to be able to function relatively normally. But I honestly think it would be worse if I went with them, if they left me over and over again to return toher.Isadora.
At least this way they’re only leaving me the one time. Well, twice technically. But I can probably survive this.
“Pixie,” Court says, sounding like he’s already grieving me. “Please don’t talk about your death like that. Like it doesn’t matter. Itfuckingmatters. You matter.”
“You all have a funny way of showing it.” I lower my voice in a mockery of theirs. “Come to Bravonne. Be our mistress. Watch as we bond someone else.”
“We’ve already told you we won’t bond Isadora. She’ll be our princess in name only. You’d have everything else. Why is that not enough?” Forsythe asks, sounding as wrecked as I feel.
“Because it’s not,” I say simply. “Because I don’t want to have to hide how I feel about you, but more than that, I don’t want you to hide how you feel about me. Call me selfish if you want, I am being selfish. But I deserve to be about this one fucking thing. My fated mates. You’re meant to be mine.Onlymine. And you’re telling me I have to share? I don’t want to. I refuse to.” I straighten my spine and force the swell of agony down.
“If our positions were reversed, would you be okay with me being with another pack?” The growl that comes from Grieves at the mere mention of it, is enough for me to know his answer. “Even if I never fucked them, but I let them claim me as theirs publicly. To everyone we met, I would betheiromega,theirchosen mate, and they would be mine. How the fuck would you feel about that?”
They’re all silent, their stormy expressions and the low rumbling growl answer enough, but I want to hear them say it, want them to admit out loud that it would tear them apart. So I repeat the question slower and with more force. “Answer me. How. The fuck. Would. You. Feel. About. That?”
“I’d hate it,” Courtland is the first to break. “Of course I’d fucking hate it.”
Thayer’s hand presses into his chest. “My alpha is rampaging from just considering the idea.”
Grieves’ hand flexes at his side. “We never should have asked you to do that, bubbles. What a bloody awful thing for us to do.”
Piers turns, tilts his head to look up at Forsythe, who’s just staring at me. His expression one of anguish, because he knows I’m right. If our roles were reversed, he’d never agree to it. Ever.
He doesn’t say anything.
Piers looks back at me, disappointment clear in the downturn of his mouth.
I sigh. Because I didn’t expect anything different. “If you need to go, then you should go. You have your duties to the crown, to your family, and I can’t fault you for that. I actually admire how devoted you are, Forsythe. How devoted all of you are. But I have to be devoted to myself, and so if you do go, if you return to Bravonne, you shouldn’t think about coming back.”
It doesn’t feel good, telling them this. And as soon as I say the words I want to take them back, to beg them to come back, to stay, to never leave my side again. But my begging won’t change anything. It has to come from them. From him. Forsythe.
And I already know he’s not ready for that. He might never be.
“Florence.” That’s it. That’s all he says. Just my name, like that should be enough to get me to change my mind.
“Forsythe,” I say back to him. “I mean it. Go if you need to, just don’t come back. Please.” I glance at the other pack members in the room. “All of you. I don’t think I’d like having you come here only for you to leave me again. It's not fair of you to ask me to go through that.”
I swallow thickly. Part of me really hopes they’ll all declare that they’ll stay, but I also know that’s not going to happen. So I brace for another assault on my defenses, another plea for me to just give in and go with them.
Instead, I get Piers. Beautiful sweet, dimpled Piers, saying resolutely, “I’m not going anywhere.”
Episode 18: No Kingdom Without Her