“Rejected Mate Disorder is a big deal, Ren,” Atticus says, folding his arms over his chest to glare down at me. He’s not upset with me. I know this. There isn’t a reason for him to be. No. He’s angry at the situation I’ve found myself with.
I flinch at his blunt tone, at how he’s just said it as a matter of fact.Rejected Mate Disorder.
“I know,” I tell him. “Believe me I know. I’m the one who's going to have to live with it for the rest of my life.”
“We could-”
“No,” I cut off my friend before she can finish the thought. I already know what she’s going to say.
“Ren.”
“No, Haven. We aren’t telling them. They made their choice on national fucking television. I’m not going to beg them to change their minds.”
“But you’ll be in pain, Ren,” Hale says like I don’t already know, like I’m not already feeling it. “Every day for the rest of your life. You’ll be in pain.”
Andalone, but he doesn’t say that.
It's a well-known fact that anyone who has RMD can’t bear to be touched by anyone else but their pack--their mates. Even platonic touches can be challenging if they aren’t given by family members.
At the moment, I can barely tolerate being in the same room as Haven’s bonded alphas, their scents, which had once smelled like home to me--my pack of big brothers--now makes me need to breathe through my mouth to avoid scenting them too much.
I’m going to have to get over it. I’m not spending the next fifty odd years of my life shut away from everyone. That’s no life at all.
And I refuse to let a few weeks with a pack who didn’t want me ruin years of my life.
I’m stronger than that.
“I know,” I tell them. “I know what is going to happen to me. We had a whole unit on RMD at the omega academy.”
“Then you also know that they are your only cure,” Atticus growls at me. “Youneedto tell them.”
Warmth blooms in my chest right alongside frustration. I know they only want what’s best for me, because they care about me, but I’m drowning in their alphaness. Their need to take care of the omegas in their family.
I love them, but I don’t want or need this.
“I’ve made my decision,” I tell them, straightening my shoulders as best as I can from a hospital bed. “They don’t need to know. It wouldn’t change anything. Over and over and over again they told me they would always pick duty over love. Always.”
“But they won’t pick duty over their mate, Ren,” Creed growls.
“They will.” When they all just stare at me, like if they do it long enough I’ll change my mind, I sigh. “RMD exists for a reason. People reject their fated mates. Maybe not every day, but often enough that it’s a well-known illness, that we’re taught about it at school and that they have treatment plans at the ready. It happens. And if any pack is going to be the one to continue to reject their fated mate, it’s the Royal Ashbourne pack.”
“You can’t be certain-”
“I can be. And even if I’m not… I don’t want them to be with me just because I’m sick. They had their chance to choose me and they didn’t take it. They sent me home instead and made sure the entire world would see them do it. They can’t go back on that. It’ll make them look weak, or wishy-washy or any number of things that the royal pack shouldn’t be.” I shake my head. “No, the only thing telling them will accomplish is them rejecting me again, and then feeling guilty when they bond Isadora.”
“They deserve to feel guilty!” Haven snarls. “They deserve to feel the pain you're feeling, Ren. They deserve to know just how deeply they hurt you. I want them to suffer. So fucking bad.”
She’s so fierce and so sweet, it’s adorable. A small smile curls my lips. “I know, Haves. I know. And I love you for it. But please, just do this for me. They don’t need to know.”
Even now as heartbroken as I am, I don’t want to hurt them. Not really. I’m hurting enough for all of us.
The door to my suite opens and my little sister pokes her head in. Or not so little anymore, I suppose. Nearing fifteen and gorgeous as all get out. In the next year or so her designation should come in, though we’re all fairly sure she’s going to be a beta.
She pauses just on the other side of the door, taking in the four hulking alphas and Haven squeezed into the bed with me. “Sorry, am I interrupting something?”
I shake my head and hold out my hand to her. “No, nothing. Come here, Gin.”
She doesn’t waste time, weaving through the Calloway pack and slipping into the miniscule space left on my bed. Which is really nothing. She’s basically laying on top of me, but when her familiar lavender scent reaches my nose, I just want to pull her closer. Between her and Haven, I feel almost normal.