The doctor gave her a sad smile. “As you know, any number of things can happen during pregnancy. I won’t lie to you. But as for what happened last time. Once I see the ultrasound, I’ll feel better about making that certainty.”
I looked between Morgan and the doctor. “What happened last time?” I asked.
“We’ll talk about it later,” Morgan whispered.
I let it go for now, knowing she wouldn’t tell me. I should have asked before now, but I’d made an assumption. Women miscarried all the time without knowing why.
“What the fuck is that?” I asked, standing up, breaking my promise once again and ready to make it worse. I stared as the doctor rolled a fucking condom onto a long stick. He rubbed more lube on it and smiled.
“This is a transvaginal transducer. This is how we look inside and see your baby.”
I opened my mouth to protest as he slid the fucking thing inside Morgan. The sound of the thumping caught my attention immediately, and I forgot everything that had happened over the past forty-five minutes.
Morgan squeezed my hand. “That’s the baby’s heartbeat,” she whispered.
The steady, rhythmic sound was like nothing I’d ever heard in my life. I watched the monitor on the wall, my eyes glued to the screen, as the doctor moved the wand around, looking for the baby.
“What’s taking so long?” I asked.
“I’m checking her tube to make sure everything looks good,” the doctor replied.
A few more minutes and a space opened up on the screen. A black oval, with a little bean similar to the picture she’d given me, flashed before my eyes.
“There he is,” I whispered.
I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. Not even when I heard Morgan sniffle. It was suddenly so real. I placed my hand on her belly and looked at her.
“I’m a dad.”
“You were already a dad, Jude.”
She was right. I was already a dad, but this was different. We never got to see the first baby. Never got to hear his heartbeat. We had a few short weeks with him inside her before our lives went to shit.
This time would be different. This time I would protect him. Protect them both.
The doctor printed off a few more pictures and handed them to me.
“Everything looks good, Morgan. Mom and baby are both healthy as far as I can see. You can get dressed and stop at the front desk to make your next appointment.”
“Thank you, Dr. Adams.”
“Congratulations, Chasm.”
I looked up at the doctor’s smile and nodded. “Thanks,” I said, not offering him my hand. Though I appeared even-keeled after seeing my son on the screen, if I shook his hand, I might just rip his arm from his body.
Morgan got dressed without my help as I stared at the pictures in my hand. I was happy the first time, once the initial shock wore off. But this time... being able to see him and hear his little heartbeat set something off inside me.
I looked up at Morgan. “Marry me.”
“Jude,” she cautioned.
“I mean it, Morgan. Marry me again. I can’t let you go. Either of you.”
“I’m not discussing this here.” She grabbed her purse and walked out the door. I followed behind her, the pictures in the pocket of my cut. She made another appointment for three weeks. The woman explained that normally it would be four, but the doctor wanted to see her again in three.
“Why does he want to see you sooner? What’s his deal?” I asked, following her to the truck. I opened the door, and she climbed in but didn’t answer my question. When I got behind the wheel, I asked a second time.
“Why three weeks instead of four?” She stared straight ahead. “I’ll sit here all fucking night, Morgan. Why three weeks?”