It might not make sense to anyone else, but I’m betting a whole fucking lot on this heat cruise, and I’m not turning back now.
“You sure you want to go through with this?” my brother, Axel, asks from the driver’s seat.
I might have bribed him into dropping me off.
I may also have enlisted the help of my new sister-in-law by having her host our parents in Philly for the weekend while I made my great escape. I just didn’t want to deal with them trying to talk me out of my plan. They’ve kept me wrapped in steel wool my whole life, trying to protect me from anything the world might throw at me. I wouldn’t put it past at least one of my dads to try and lock me away in a tower so I missed my boarding time.
They were under the impression I’d be utilizing the Heat Haven facility in Manhattan, as a fail safe if I didn’t meet a pack and needed my heat serviced. It was how I excused having so many appointments. In reality, I was attending seminars and pheromone testing in preparation for the heat cruise.
It wasn’t my fault they didn’t ask for clarification, and I’m almost positive the second I get on this ship Axel is going to call them and snitch. But I’m an adult woman, one who’s going to go into heat any moment now. It was time to cut the cord and go off on my own.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I say, staring out the window.
I’ve spent months planning this trip, and okay, maybe I feel like my stomach is going to fall out of my ass as the port gets closer, but I’m not changing my mind.
“Didn’t you throw up the entire time we were on the yacht in Greece?”
“I was like eight,” I complain and he laughs.
“It’s not too late to turn around. We can drive back to the apartment, and I can unload the obscene amount of shit you packed. What about Elliot?” he asks, which has me snapping my head in his direction.
“Claire, anyone with fucking eyes knows you’re obsessed with him,” he says when I don’t reply.
Iwasobsessed with him, but now when I think of him my heart aches. He doesn’t want me and I won’t accept anything less than pure devotion. The sting of the words still hits their markthough; I’m not completely over him or what happened a few months ago.
That’s why I need this cruise. It feels like it’s my last life line.
“I’m not obsessed with him. Plus, I’m not like mom. I’m not going to wait around for a man to realize he wants me. He’s made it absolutely clear he’s not interested. I deserve more than that.”
As I say the words, there’s a lingering hurt that I can’t seem to shake. If Elliot had ever given me an inkling that he felt the same way about me, I wouldn’t be getting on this ship. But he all but said he didn’t want me, so it doesn’t matter.
I can only imagine my future as being a pack Omega with multiple partners who love me and hopefully one another. Maybe I dreamed about Elliot being in my future pack scenario, but it was time to face the harsh reality that he didn’t want that, he didn’t want me.
It’s time to put him in the past and stop comparing every man to him. Even though he has the traits that I’m looking for, kind, attentive, funny in a dry sort of way, and loyal to the people he cares about. I groan at myself for thinking about him. This cruise is supposed to help get him out of my system, and finally open my heart to other Alphas.
Elliot Smith needs to be a thing of the past and that’s that. From here on out I’m only looking toward the future and finding the right pack for me.
I’m not delusional enough to think I’ll be one of the lucky ones who gets to go through their first heat with their pack, but a girl can dream.
“You can change your mind, I won’t judge you,” Axel says, interrupting my thoughts and I glance over at my brother.
He’s rough around the edges, and can be a total fucking dick sometimes, but at his core he’s a big sweetheart. I hope he figures his shit out soon, because he deserves happiness too. Hecould be a Beta in a pack, or find love with one person, whatever he wanted, but he’s closed himself off and it makes me ache for him.
“I do appreciate you taking me.”
“Yeah, well, how could I turn down a blank check favor from my baby sister?” he asks with a sigh, parking. “Let me go grab a luggage cart. I’ll be right back.”
I sit in his car and wait. My heart is pounding rapidly in my chest, the adrenaline of this new adventure coursing through me. I’m about to be on my own.
This took a lot of planning and forethought, but now that it’s here I wonder if I planned enough. I’ve had so many meetings at Heat Haven going over rules, smelling pheromones, and signing papers. Right now, though, it’s actually sinking in.
I’m going to be away from my family for up to three months and I might be bringing back a pack to meet them.
There’s no denying that my standards are sky high. I’ve watched firsthand how my dads treat my mom, and now how my other brother Jonah and his pack treat their Omega Shiloh.
Settling isn’t an option, but suffering alone through my first heat isn’t either.
I want a pack so desperately I almost want to cry right now. Maybe it’s a desperation to be loved, to have that connection only a bond can bring, but I crave it. I’ve known deep familial and platonic love, but I’ve never beeninlove with somebody. Deep down I know that I could be the Omega that grounds a pack, the glue that keeps them together.