“Then who?”
“I read books.” I level my gaze with Mom’s. “I also watch movies and TV. I peruse women’s magazines, blogs, social media.”
She pales. “But you’re not on social media, are you? I thought you deleted all your accounts profiles after… you know. It’s too risky, Stella!”
“I have a burner account,” I admit. “I never post anything, but I can still follow my old school friends, celebs, and writers. There’s a world out there, beyond the ‘safe triangle’ between our house, the clinic, and the Baud house.”
“Does it make you sad that you can’t be part of it anymore?” she asks.
I nod.
“OK, listen to me.” Mom leans closer over the table. “What you’re going through is called FOMO, fear of missing out. It’s perfectly normal. Your curiosity about other men is normal, too.”
I stare at her, surprised at her sudden change of attitude.
“What’s not normal,” Mom continues in a hot, compassionate whisper, “is your circumstances. The safety of the routines that your dad and I set up for you have lulled you into forgetting…”
She hesitates, so I finish for her. “My crime.”
“Shush!” She looks around and over her shoulder.
“Don’t worry, Mom. I can never forget it.”
She keeps silent for a moment, aligning her wine glass with her water glass and her plate.
“I’m going to reveal something you weren’t supposed to know until after you were wed,” she finally says. “But, given your doubts and the questions you’re asking… I’m sure your father will agree with my decision.”
I focus on her eyes.
“Once you and Philippe are married,” she begins, “he’ll prepare you to become one of us. With him being your peer, we thought he was better suited to induct you than your father or me.”
“One ofus? Induct me? Into what? What are you talking about, Mom?”
“Your dad, Philippe, his parents and I form a… secret club.” She hesitates again, no doubt weighing how much to reveal. “We follow certain rules laid out by one of your paternal forefathers over two hundred years ago, and we benefit from the benevolent protection of a higher being.”
Ah yes, the almighty Ever Mage!
“We also perform certain rituals,” Mom adds.
Sitting back, I fold my arms over my chest.
“Spiritual rituals,” she hastens to add. “Although, some of them are of a very, should I say, enjoyable, nature.”
“What the f-f…fondue does that mean?”
“It means that you’ll have your experiences, sweetie,” she says with a knowing smile on her face. “Save yourself now, and in a few months, you’ll be able to try all sorts of things in a safe and controlled environment with your husband’s blessing.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “Are you saying Philippe and I will be doing threesomes?”
“Such a vulgar term!” She returns to rearranging the tableware in front of her. “Stella, there is so much you don’t know or understand at this point! But I promise that this time next year, all your questions will be answered. We’ll accelerate the timeline.”
“Of what?”
“Of your initiation. At the other end lies beauty, power, and harmony. You will understand the purpose. You will embrace it.”
“Are you…” The term I’m about to use is much stronger thanclub, but I don’t want to pussyfoot around. “Are you guys in acult?”
“No.”