“I’m saying… if you’re game, I’d like to keep doing this, for an undesignated amount of nights,” he replies. He turns and pulls me into his chest again. “And maybe some days too.”
This is not happening… I never get everything I want exactly when I want it. I’m not that girl. I’m okay with it. I mean, my life works out, no complaints…. I mean no big ones. But this… Crew is willing to test the dating waters, after everything he’s been through, with me. I’m getting what I have chastised myself for dreaming of. Hoping for.
He snaps his fingers in front of me, a careless smile on his lips. “Are you in shock? Was I that much of a long shot?”
"The longest shot, the biggest risk, the one-in-a-million shot in the dark.” I can’t stop smiling. My cheeks hurt. My heart is pounding. I feel like dancing.
“We should go back in there and buy a lottery ticket.” He winks, cheeky bastard.
He pulls me to him and kisses me again. It’s long and slow and warmer than the wind swirling around us. I did it. I stopped being scared and timid and I got everything I’ve wanted.
Life is so good.
Chapter21
Crew
What now? That's the memo my brain is currently sending my heart. But my heart is too busy flopping around like a fish on a dock to come up with an answer. I like this woman. It's not something I planned or even wanted but damn, I like her. A lot.
There's still a lot she doesn't know about me though, so the fact that she's beaming right now isn't something I take solace in. I have had this talk with my therapist, about what would happen if I found someone else I wanted to seriously pursue. I blew him off when he asked the question because it seemed impossible. I would not let myself fall. He backed off when it was clear my only answer to his questions about how I would address my sexuality was 'Don't have to worry. Not going to happen.' But he did say in order to start a relationship authentically I should be upfront about it as soon as possible.
The question is, now that I’m in this situation I never thought I would be in, how do I do that?
We pull to a stop in front of her apartment and she lingers, clinging to my back for a few minutes as I turn off the bike and pull off my helmet. I love the feeling of her against me like this. When she finally lets go, she lifts herself off the bike and yanks off her helmet. Her hair is all over the place so I put down the kickstand, get off the bike, and stand in front of her, smoothing her dark silky hair back into place. “So… now what?”
I wish I knew, Fireball, I think and give her a little shrug. “I think I need to have a chat with Tate. Then I’ll swing by the team store and grab you a jersey with my name on the back.”
She grins. “I understand the Tate thing being a priority, but the jersey?”
“Huge priority,” I promise her. “Because I do not want to see Tater or Tot or any version of that on you again. Also, feel free to wear the jersey, and nothing else, on date nights. Home date nights of course. When I get a home. I’m working on that.”
“You are something else.”
“I am. But… I think you can handle it.” I wink at her because I know she loves it. I can tell by the way her skin tinges pink. “So you good with me telling Tate?”
She nods. “You can tell whoever you want. Just… what exactly are you telling them?”
“That you and I are seeing each other,” I say. “The details of how and where and when it started are ours alone. You good with that, Fireball.”
She nods. “And you’re good with me telling people too? Because FYI, I think my mom has already figured it out and will likely say something stupid in our family group chat.”
"Okay, then I better get to Tate sooner rather than later."
She bites that perfectly plump bottom lip again. “I also… I mean will this be exclusive because I just… I can’t handle sharing.”
"I can't either," I reply. "And for the record, I haven't been with anyone since our hookup in Vegas."
“Me either, but I’m betting you guessed that.”
“I did.”
“I’m a little self-conscious at how different our experience levels are,” she admits and her head is tipped down so I’m looking at the top of her head and not her face. “I feel like… I worry it will bore you.”
“I don’t even think about it, Olivia,” I promise her as I scoop her chin in my hand and force her to look at me. “I’m not going to lie, I’ve had a good amount of sex with a decent amount of people. But when I’m with you, I think of only you. I get excited at the idea of discovering things with you. What you like, how you like it. I want to be your plaything, Olivia. Nothing is off-limits with us, and I want you to know that. Whatever you want to try, let's try it. Except sharing. I don't want to share you with anyone. For any reason."
“Oh… okay.” She looks a little bit relieved but only a little. “I just… what if I’m vanilla?”
“It’s a valid flavor, Fireball.” I smile and kiss her lips softly. “I like vanilla. Whatever you are, sweetheart, I’m here for it. You turn me on with clothes on and off, mentally and physically, and I can’t tell you the last time that happened.”