My eyes start to well up again but the nurse comes in and I focus on her, and her instructions, and I take the little tablet she gives me and let it melt under my tongue as instructed. Honestly, I feel like I’m listening to her talk but not truly hearing a word she says. And then the drug starts to work before I can even stand up. I need Tenley to guide me slowly out of the hospital and to her waiting car.
All I remember for the rest of the night is waking up in different places. The car. The outdoor courtyard of our apartment building where I was being carried by my cousin Tate, Tenley’s brother. My bedroom. Tate’s girlfriend Mallory was sitting on one side of my bed, and Tenley on the other.
Every time I woke I only said one thing. “Don’t tell my parents.”
And they all promised not to tell.
* * *
When I finally wake up and actually feel awake, the room is dark. I'm not in the clothes I'd been wearing when it happened. I'm in my favorite pajamas. I guess Tenley, or maybe Mallory, changed me. I stretch. My hands ache a little. My head feels like someone has stuffed it with cotton, and my neck's stiff, but I remember everything.
I remember walking on Hilgard Avenue, the street that skirts the University campus. I remember seeing the bus stop on Sunset and starting to dig in my pocket for my bus pass. I remember the feel of big, cold, clammy hands on my throat. The harsh way he yanked me. The feel of my left shoulder being crushed into the grass next to the sidewalk. I don’t remember clawing his face. I do remember the punch, seeing his hand coming for my face and the pain radiating up into my skull like a lightning bolt, but I don’t remember slamming the butt of my hand into his nose. I remember his weight being gone from my body as the blow caused him to topple backwards, off of me. I remember scrambling to my feet. I think I screamed?
I swallow now and my throat is desperately sore. Yeah. I screamed. I remember a woman yelling. A man my dad's age appeared out of nowhere. He jumped on the guy who attacked me. I don't know who he was or what happened next. I don't think I blacked out. I don't know though. I just remember being in an ambulance and then the little room at the hospital.
I sit up and slowly get out of bed. My door is pulled but not tightly closed, and I can hear voices in the living room just down the hall. As I walk on shaky legs to take my robe off the hook on the back of the door, I eavesdrop.
“It’s not your fault, Ten,” Tate says firmly. “You need to stop with that. Now.”
“But I took the car. I knew she had an evening class. I was just meeting friends for dinner. I should have Ubered.” Tenley sounds distraught.
“If Liv hears you, she’ll waste all her energy making you feel better when she should be concentrating on herself..” Tate warns his little sister and he’s not wrong. I feel guilty hearing the anguish in Tenley’s voice.
I never mind when Tenley takes the car. I mean, we share the car. She usually uses it less than me but, I've been trying to lessen my carbon footprint. Los Angeles has a fairly decent transit system that nobody uses. I was being responsible. Even if Tenley had left me the car I might not have taken it to school that evening. There have been times when she’s home and the car is available but I still walk or take the bus. I won’t anymore, but I did.
“He’s right, Ten,” Mallory says. I worry that Tate’s girlfriend is here and knows about everything. The more people who know the harder it will be to keep it from my parents. My family is large and a bit of a sieve. All the grains of news and drama eventually slip through. “Let’s all just concentrate on the fact that she kicked that dude’s ass. He’s in jail and she’s okay, more or less anyway.”
“I’m so proud of her.”
“Thank fucking god she knows how to fight,” Tate adds. “And she found the courage to do it. And he wasn’t armed. And that couple came out of their home.”
I open the door and make my way down the hall. My legs are shaky like they're weaker than they were just twenty-four hours ago. The living room curtains on our two big windows are pulled back and the room is bathed in light. It feels like the sun is extra bright. Everything feels… Extra.
Mallory sees me first and gets to her feet. She’s on the floor by the coffee table with Dylan, Tate’s son. Mallory’s eyes are soft, her smile tentative. “Hey. You okay?”
“Yeah.” My voice is thick. I clear my throat as Tenley jumps out of her chair and spins to face me and Tate leans forward from his position on the couch. “Hungry. I think.”
“I’ll get you something,” Mallory says and hands Tate the truck she’s holding. Dylan gets to his feet and reaches for it.
Mallory passes me on her way to the kitchen and shoots me another gentle smile. I think I smile back. “I feel… numb.”
“That’s probably normal,” Tate surmises and slides over to the other end of the couch. “Come sit.”
I walk toward him. Dylan looks up at me. “Wivvy!”
I look down at him and my heart starts to feel warm, and my body starts to wake up. He’s the best. The addition our family had no idea we needed. This time last year Tate had no idea Dylan existed. Now, our big family couldn’t imagine life without him.
He, like Tate, Mallory, and the rest of us, has spent the summer in Maine with our extended family. It was a great summer where we celebrated Tate’s Stanley Cup win, Dylan’s first birthday, his first steps, and his first words. One of which was Wivvy (his version of Livvy) because I spent every moment I could with him.
Tenley is now in her senior year at UCLA and I should have graduated last year. I switched majors and now I have another year of classes, and an internship, in order to graduate with a degree in Art Education.
“Shouldn’t you be at practice or something?” I ask as I take a seat next to Tate and Dylan waves at me with the enthusiasm only a toddler has.
“Season hasn’t started yet, Liv,” Tate reminds me gently. Right. It’s only September. Hockey starts in early October which is… almost two weeks away. “I told the coach I had a family thing. It’s fine if I miss a practice or two right now.”
I start to panic. “You didn’t tell him details, right? Did you tell anyone else? Please say no.”
He raises both hands and his aquamarine eyes get wide. "I swear I didn't tell anyone. He probably thinks it's Dylan-related. I understand this is personal, Liv. I am not telling anyone anything. But I think you should talk to Uncle Devin and Aunt Callie."