Shelby squeezes my shoulder as she breaks the hug. “You wanna come over and watchBridgertonwith me? We can make popcorn and you can borrow some sweats and we can just forget this ever happened?”
“No. I just wanna go home, take a bath, and sleep,” I admit, and she nods.
Shelby looks like she might be a little bit worried about me. Like maybe I’m faking this indifference I’m feeling, but I don’t think I am. I’m kind of numb emotionally right now. As I was saying all the wrong things in front of my ex and then watching him propose to the woman he cheated on me with, it kind of felt like I was watching it on a really bad television drama or something. I just watched it all unfold and thought, somewhere in the back of my brain,yep this seems about right.
As Shelby waves goodbye and walks an aisle over from me to get in her car, a memory I've long tried to forget, and thought I'd succeeded, pops back into my head.
My very cruel fifth-grade teacher the second day I was at a school in Queens, where I had been enrolled after being placed with yet another foster family, said,'You, Mackenzie have alwaysbeen and will always be a have not, not a have. And the sooner you accept that the better off you'll be.'
I don’t remember why she said it to me. I just remember it was in front of the entire class. All these new kids who already didn't look at me, in my ratty clothes with my bad haircut and secondhand no-name sneakers, with kind eyes.
A shiver runs down my spine, cold and painful, and settles in the center of my rib cage as I force myself to finish walking to my car and get in the driver’s side. Inside there is a roar of cheers and yelling and I feel my phone buzz, the light from the screen shining through the thin fabric of the small satin purse. I dig it out and see Conner’s name. It’s a video call, just as promised.
I accept it, but I really don't want to face him right now. "Hey, princess. Happy New Year I miss you so mu… Are you there? I can barely see you. Why is it so dark? And quiet?"
“I’m in my car in the parking lot,” I mutter. “You can cut the act.”
He’s at the airport, I think. I can tell by the stark lighting and what looks like concrete walls and a gate sign behind him. His hazel eyes lock with mine and he narrows them trying to make out my features in the dim light. “So… it’s going well then?”
He grins, it’s pure sarcasm and I laugh. I laugh so hard I swear I start to tear up. He is chuckling too, but not nearly as hard as me. “I told them you played for Colorado.”
“What? Who? Why?” he questions, still smiling.
“Beckett and Heather, hisfiancée,” I explain, wiping gently at my eyes to make sure my makeup isn’t sliding down my face. Not that it matters much. I’m just going to wash it off the second I get home, but if Conner can see a glimpse of me in this dark parking lot, I at least want it to be a nice sight. “You wrote on the note you left me that you had to go to Colorado and I thought itwas because they picked you up. I never Googled it or anything and so…”
“And you don’t know the schedule, or follow the league so you had no idea,” Conner finishes for me. “Shit. I should have been more clear. I was rushing and excited. Sorry.”
"I should have figured it out. Anyway, I'm pretty sure our fake relationship looks fake toeveryonenow.” I sigh. “Or at the very least loose and non-committal. I mean, a serious girlfriend would know what team you were picked up by.”
“Wait… I’m sorry, but did you say fiancée?” When I nod Conner balks. “Since when?”
“He proposed right before midnight,” I croak out.
“Infrontof you?” He sounds truly horrified and for some reason it makes my humiliation feel deeper.
“It’s fine. Honestly.” I shake my head. “I have to go. I just want to get home.”
“Damn, Mac, I wish I was there. I really do.” He swears under his breath. “They say they may be able to get our flight off the ground in the next hour. The flight is almost five hours, but we don’t play tomorrow so if you want I can get back to Silver Bay somehow and come see you.”
I shake my head. “You’re sweet to offer but the gig is up with the fake relationship thing. Thank you for… well… all the shenanigans. For all the stuff we faked and the stuff we didn’t.”
"It was my pleasure," he replies but his voice is weird. So is his expression. He looks uncomfortable like he has something to say that he shouldn't. "So… that's it?"
“Well, I… yeah. I guess so.” I want to tell him that this doesn’t have to be it, that I don’t want it to be, but I’m… numb. I can’t put myself out there with him right now, seconds after making an ass of myself in front of my ex and watching him propose to someone else. Maybe in the light of day when this night is over. “I should get going. I need to drive home. Night Conner. Safe travels.”
“Thanks. Goodnight, princess.”
“I told you, I’m no princess.”
"Whatever you say, princess."
“Argh. Night.” I hang up but I’m smiling, which is amazing because I definitely didn’t think I’d be capable of that tonight.
I tuck my phone back into my bag and place it on the seat beside me. The windows of the car have fogged up from me sitting here blabbering so I wipe at the windshield and punch the start button.
Nothing happens.
I punch it again.