I finish work at 6pm. Home all night if you need a place to hide out.
I hit send and start walking. I make it three steps before the phone buzzes with a response.
Thanks. See you tonight. After I buy condoms.
Oh my god… well, I’m not about to stop him. I simply text him back a thumbs up. And, because I’m feeling as crazy as this whole thing with him, I add an eggplant emoji.
Chapter 19
Mac
Itake a shower at the hospital in the changing rooms before I leave, in case Conner is already there when I get home. But he’s not. When I park, my apartment is in darkness. There are lights aglow at the main house. Almost every single room is lit up and I can see the hideous Christmas tree Tenley put up in the window. It’s from the eighties or something and it’s fake in a way that is purposefully and painfully obvious even from here, a hundred yards away. The entire tree, needles, branches, and all is Pepto-Bismol pink. She thrifted all the ornaments, looking specifically for the ugliest ones she could find. At least that’s what Tate says when he complains about it every year.
There are also a few cars parked in front of Tate and Tenley's house but it's too dark to see if one of them might be Conner's. Maybe he's over there hanging with his cousins until I get home. Or maybe he's changed his mind and isn't coming. Maybe something happened with the waiver situation and he no longer needs me as a distraction. That thought brings a wave of both good and bad feelings. Of course, I want him picked up, but I don't want him to not need this. Us. Because I do. I mean,we've come this far, we should have actual sex once to finish this crazy, unplanned journey we've been taking.
I get out of my car, which started to make a strange grinding sound on the way home tonight. I'll have to deal with it sooner rather than later, but not right this minute, I think as I open the door. That's when I hear it. The crunch of boots on the snow behind me. I jump and spin, the keys lodged in between my glove-covered fingers like a bunch of jagged little knives.
There’s a dark shadow a foot away and it jumps at my sudden movement. “Whoa! It’s me! Conner. Please don’t brain me again.”
“Con! Don’t sneak up on a woman in the dark!” I hiss out in relief. “And I wasn’t going to throw my keys at you this time.”
“Good.”
“I was going to stab you with them instead,” I explain. “Because I couldn’t throw them. I need them to open the door and call the cops.”
“Oh. Well, that’s… disturbingly well thought out,” Conner remarks and finally moves close enough that I can almost make out his features.
“I’m a woman,” I remind him. “We think about these things every day because we have to. Also, I may have had to do it more than most. So it’s instinct.”
“Well, that’s not a fun fact at all,” Conner tells me and now he's right in front of me, so close I can smell his aftershave. It's warm and spicy and already so familiar and soothing. The scent makes my insides feel like I'm waking up from hibernation again. I guess that's what Conner does to me. Wakes up parts of me that stay dormant with everyone else. He tips his head up, and my eyes are in line with his Adam's apple thanks to our height difference. With the moonlight and the closeness, I can get a nice view of his thick, muscular neck and the way his smooth skin bulges at his artery a little. I want to kiss him thereand feel his pulse under my lips. See if it starts racing at my touch, but I refrain. "You don't have a porch light."
“I don’t have a porch,” I reply. “It’s literally just a door on the side of a barn. Where did you come from? I don’t see your car.”
“I walked.”
“From your parents’ place?” I question, shocked. “That would take like…”
“One hour and four minutes,” he replies, and I see his broad shoulders lift and fall in a shrug. “I needed the exercise and the time alone and the fresh air.”
“The air isfreezing.”
“You need a light out here. It’s far too dark without one,” Conner mutters, ignoring my weather forecast, and then tips his head down. I can feel his eyes on me more than I can see them because of the darkness.
“I appreciate this whole concerned fake boyfriend routine,” I tell him, hoping he sees the smile on my face. “But I’ve been managing just fine here.”
"I'm sure you have," he agrees and I feel his hands rub the sides of my arms through my thick coat. "You're even stronger than you are beautiful, and you're absolutely gorgeous. But I still want a light out here. I'm gonna tell Uncle J."
Well, I can’t argue with him because now I’m all flustered by that compliment. He doesn’t act like it’s meant to flatter me, that he just called me strong and beautiful, so that makes it even more confusing. And addicting. I haven’t had a boyfriend bomb me with compliments the way he does. “Any news yet on the hockey front?”
“Nope,” he says simply and rubs my arms again. “Can we go inside? I’m freezing my nuts off here and I was hoping I would need them later.”
I laugh and turn away to open the door.
We climb the stairs to the apartment and as soon as I open the door at the top, and we’re in my front hall peeling out of our winter wear, he pulls a package out of his puffy coat and hands it to me. It’s a brown box about the size of a shoe box. He smiles as he loops his scarf over the hook where he hung his jacket. “Merry belated Christmas.”
“I… you can’t give me a gift,” I stutter, holding the box out in front of me like it’s some kind of lethal weapon I’m terrified of. My eyes fly from it to his face. He looks amused. “I didn’t get you anything.”
"First of all, gifts don't have to be reciprocal," Conner tells me as he toes out of his boots and places them on the waterproof mat by the door. "Second of all, it's not so much a gift as a replacement for something I accidentally stole."