“Why did you agree to stay at Sadie’s tonight?” Ty groans.
“Because it’s my birthday. You can have sex tomorrow night,” I reply for her. “Or tomorrow afternoon after the family brunch. Just notatthe family brunch.”
“That sounds like a challenge,” Winnie jokes back. “Accepted.”
Ty laughs. He kisses her again and then waves goodbye to all of us as he heads down into the subway and we head down the street toward the condo that I just bought.
I’m excited for tomorrow, when Jude and our parents will come over too. Then Dixie, Winnie, and I are going to the spa. It’s the perfect weekend and totally makes up for the doubles I had to pull last week to get three days off in a row. Not that I minded all that much. I love my job. Even the most grueling shift is filled with a feeling of accomplishment. All I’ve ever wanted to do was help people.
We turn the corner onto my street, and Dixie is telling us about some disastrous hookup she had back at school with some guy who made weird noises when they kissed, when I see a shadow pacing in front of my building. I instantly recognize the broad shoulders, blond hair, and the distinct gait. It’s our brother.
“What the hell are you doing here at almost one in the morning?’ I call out, halting Dixie’s story as her eyes turn to see Jude as well.
“Hey! Are you alone?” Dixie asks. “I didn’t think it was humanly possible for you to be out past midnight without some poor, deluded girl pressing her double D’s against your…”
The horrifying realization that Jude is crying hits all of us at the exact same time. It’s like having your heart sucked into the turning engine of a jet plane. Quick, terrifying, and eviscerating.
“What’s wrong?” I demand.
“I need to talk to you,” Jude says. “He’s going to tell you tomorrow, but I found out tonight and I…I can’t.”
“What happened?” Winnie asks, her face contorted in confusion just like Dixie’s and I’m sure mine is.
“I went to see Mom and Dad tonight.” He wipes angrily at his damp cheeks with the back of his hand. I’m confused again. “He went to the doctor.”
“Okay, you mean Dad went to the doctor? So?” I’m beginning to piece things together, and dread fills my chest.
He looks at each of us, slowly, intensely, and I realize he is trying to capture this moment—our soft expressions, our naïveté—because it’s going to leave. We’re never going look so unaffected again. I know this moment, I’ve seen this moment happen before a doctor diagnoses a patient or a patient reveals a diagnosis to a loved one.
I feel my whole body turn to stone and yet every fiber of my being wants to move—to flee. To run away before Jude can open his mouth. I have no idea what he’s about to say, but I know it’s going to change everything. I can feel it.
“The doctor says he has something called Lou Gehrig’s disease. Or ALS.”
Dixie grabs my hand. I hear Winnie’s sharp inhale and then nothing.
“What is that?” Dixie asks.
“What’s the cure? There’s a cure, right? Or a treatment?” Winnie demands.
“It’s not serious, right? I mean it’s manageable?” Dixie questions.
Dixie and Winnie assault him with questions, but he’s ignoring them and looking only at me. He knows I know. He’s looking at my face in desperation, wanting to see something that contradicts his own pained expression. He’s hoping I know some medical information he hasn’t found on Google. Something that will change the outcome he already knows is coming. He’s looking for hope—even a glimmer.
But I don’t have a glimmer of hope. I don’t know any miracle drug or cure or anything. I can’t say anything, can’t do anything. My father is going to die from this. It’s only a matter of when. Tears fall from Jude’s eyes again, and he starts to turn away, but I grab him and pull him into a hug.
“No,” Dixie whimpers, covering her face with her hands, so I reach out and pull her to me as well. Winnie is standing silently, shaking her head repeatedly, as her trembling hands start to dial her phone. She needs Ty. I’m so happy she has him.
Hours later, as the sun rises, we’re all sitting silently in my living room, puffy-eyed, exhausted, and devastated. We’ve scoured every website on the disease, we’ve cursed the universe, we’ve had a colossal pity party, and lastly, we’ve made a pact. We will be there for one another—and for our parents—and do whatever it takes to make his time left on this planet as painless and stress-free and filled with love as humanly possible.
As Jude and Dixie start to doze off on the couch and Winnie disappears into the guest room, I head into my bedroom and change into sweats. Pulling my phone out of the pocket of the dress I was wearing and putting it on the dresser, I notice I have a message from the guy from the bar. It feels like a lifetime ago.
He doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore but getting the people I love, and myself, through this. I was born to help people, and now I have to help my family.
It’s the only thing I care about.
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Sadie