Our panting breaths competed with my thundering heartbeat in the silent house.
Mal rolled off me onto his side next to me on the mattress.
We hadn’t even taken our clothes off. My panties were still on my ankle and I don’t even remember when he took them off the other leg.
“That was insane.” I moved to cuddle into his side, but Mal jackknifed up and scrambled off the bed.
“I gotta clean up,” he muttered before the bathroom door shut behind him.
Leaving me laying in the middle of our bed with my ripped dress still mostly on and his cum leaking out of me.
I was wrong.
It was possible to feel more alone.
That started a pattern over the next few days. Mal was either out of the house at meetings or in his office playing mournful riffs on his guitar. The only time he swam to the surface was to eat whatever I’d cooked.
Or to fuck me.
It was hard not to feel some type of way about it.
He hardly talked to me, mostly used grunts or minimal words to get his point across.
The only time I really heard him speak was when he was bossing me around in bed. And it was so hard to be pissed off at him when he was being everything I’d always wanted in a sexual partner.
It was the moments in between that I struggled with.
And I said as much to Paige when she called me one night.
“I don’t know, Paige. I just wish he’d talk to me. Say something.Anything.”
“I think you have to give him time. His best friend just died. He’s clearly grieving.”
“I know.” I sighed. “He leaned on me at the service, but since then he’s been so distant. I don’t know how to reach him.”
“Can I just say, you looked amazing? You totally looked like you belonged on his arm, and that dress framed your cleavage perfectly. You looked like a bang-able widow.”
I rolled my eyes with a laugh. “That wasn’t the look I was going for when I made the dress, but thank you, I guess.”
“You clearly have talent, Say. I’m sorry I wasn’t more supportive of it.”
“Thanks.” This time my response was heartfelt. It felt good to have someone from my tribe actually acknowledge it.
“So what are you going to do about it? Are you going all in on design? You’re done with teaching?”
“I…I want to. I just don’t know where I should start. Do I need to go back to school? Should I look for an internship or whatever with a label? Mal is going to help me with it once I decide on a path to take.” And once he surfaced from his grief. Not that I was going to reiterate it to Paige. I was starting to feel like a whiny brat.
“Maybe you need to make a pros and cons list. Or make a list of schools and labels that are near you, and see if that sparks something. But you can’t just sit around and wait for it to happen. You gotta do your part too.”
“I get it. Unfortunately, I think part of the problem is that Mal’s mood is contagious. I just feel…stymied, I guess.”
“How would you feel if I came for a visit? I can bring some of your stuff, and we can tour schools or make lists or just research or whatever. What do you think?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Is this your attempt to get me to introduce you to Leif?”
“No!” Paige laughed. “I just want to see my friend. And if by chance Leif Eccles happens to be in the vicinity…what happens, happens.”
I groaned. It felt like a mistake. I hadn’t been kidding about being worried over the space-time continuum if they got together. But I also needed my bestie. “Okay. Let’s do it.”