“And how do you feel about me?” he shot back, dropping his hand. His head cocked to the side, eyes narrowing it. “You’ve been reluctant to tell me.”
I blinked and raised my chin. “You demanded that I give you more of me when I have none of you.”
His jaw jumped.
I gestured between us. “This needs to be a give and take, baby,” I whispered.
“Don’t call me that,” he clipped.
My back hit the door again, the air in my lungs rushing out. “Wh-what?” I could feel myself paling, the nausea growing as my heart skidded to a halt.
“You have only called me baby when my cock is inside you,” he continued. “Don’t take that and put it here. That doesn’t belong here, when we’re fighting.”
“Who says we’re fighting?” I rasped, shaking my head in confusion. “All I want is a conversation.”
“You get inside my head, it’ll be a fight.” He dropped his head and put his hands on his hips. He stared at the floor for some time, the only sound the low hum of the refrigerator—no longer dying because Hayes fixed it. “You can’t know. You were never supposed to know.”
Thank God I hadn’t taken my coat off. As the cold feeling of dread ran down my spine, I refused to shiver. I did everything in my power to remain still, to give nothing away. I couldn’t let him see how he was about to break me. I’d made a promise to myself after escaping Gordon, that no man would ever get the satisfaction of witnessing me break.
Still, against my wishes, my eyes began to sting.
“All I want,” I pushed out thickly, “is the truth from you. I gave you mine. Now I’m asking for yours.”
He lifted his head, revealing his red-rimmed eyes, his face twisted with devastation. “You asking, beautiful? Or are you going to take it from me?”
“I can’t take it,” I croaked. “You have to give it.” I put my hands against my chest, lip trembling now. “We can’t be…this, Hayes. This isn’t what I want.” His throat bobbed, and outside, the hoots and hollers of the Buoy floated up to the window, drawingmy attention to it. “I’ve come too far,” I whispered. “I can’t go back now.”
Nothing.
I kept my eyes on the moonlight dancing on the water, taking in the ebb and flow of the midnight tide. The dark water. The pale light. A reminder of the somber days to come. Winter was my least favorite season. Mainly because when I wasn’t working or studying, I was here, in my colorful apartment, surrounded by ice and snow with no warmth. No love. Just me.
That first night Hayes and I spent together, before my life went up in smoke, he had lit a small flicker of hope inside me. Struck a match with his soft chuckles and sweet praise-filled murmurs. That hope was snuffed out the next morning, but before that, for a wisp of a moment, I thought I would be warm this winter. In his arms. Our lives intertwined, weaved together by happenstance and acceptance.
I cleared my throat and pulled my gaze away from the outside world, diverting it back to the most handsome man I’d ever seen. “We’re at a crossroads.”
“What are you saying?”
My bottom lip trembled. In a quick effort to hide it, I pressed my lips together, looked down, and adjusted my stance. “You've given me none of you.”
“A lie, Margo,” he replied softly. “That’s a damn lie.”
“Is it?” I challenged him, raising my head. A short laugh left me. “Perhaps that’s what we should stick to—lying.”
His nostrils flared.
I threw out my arms. “Hell, you and I are both so good at it. I built my entire existence in Astoria on lies. I lied to the people I loved for years, knowing that if I kept it up, they would never know how much of a fucking mess I truly was. I would never have to feel ashamed of the past. I would never have people look at me with pity or disgust. With the lies, I could just be me.” Iswallowed the lump in my throat, my hands falling to my sides, slapping my thighs. “What I said was the truth, but you’re too much of a coward to admit that, so you slap the Lie label over it.”
“A coward?” he repeated slowly.
I huffed, bringing my hands to the buttons of my coat, undoing them. “You have given me nothing.” Another breathy laugh left me as I yanked the coat off and slapped it on the ground, angling both hands to my chest—my heart. “You know everything about me. The good, the bad, and the fucking ugly. You’ve seen me at my worst—and I let you. Yeah, you were a stubborn jackass the night you kicked down my door, but I could’ve kept my mouth shut. I could’ve not given you a shred of mercy.”
“Is that right?”
I nodded. “It damn well is. I let you in becauseI wanted you in. You, Hayes Mitchell. Not Carrie. Not Sarah. Not even Rossy.You.I wanted you behind my walls.” My eyes welled with tears. “I wanted you in my truth.”
He tore his gaze from me, inhaling sharply through his nose, his jaw jumping. “God dammit, Temper,” he muttered under his breath, shoving his fingers through his short hair. I was utterly mesmerized by the movement, him becoming unraveled, smearing his perfection for me.
“Again, you are at a crossroads,” I decreed, voice unsteady. “You can either keep me out of those walls or let me behind them. I’m not asking you to destroy them. Walls serve a purpose. They shield. They protect. I understand.” I paused, taking a step forward. “But if you want me, I need more than just your body.”