‘We helped each other get over something few people will ever understand or experience, and we had some pretty amazing times together. But let’s not kid ourselves, your family was always going to come first. And that was just as important to me as it was to you.’
He was shaking his head slowly in denial, and I was so close to screaming, ‘This is all rubbish. I don’t mean a word of any of this’ that the only way to prevent the words from escaping was to bite my lip hard enough to taste the metallic tang of blood on my tongue.
I was hurting him, but it was for his own good. I needed to help him walk away without looking back over his shoulder.
‘I didn’t want to be your everything, Rhys. Hell, I don’t want to be anyone’s everything. I don’t want that responsibility. We said we’d give it the summer... and we did. Maybe we’d have lasted a little longer than this, but we always knew we had an end date.’ I gave what I hoped was a resigned shrug. ‘It just came a little sooner than either of us had expected. We should have known we were on borrowed time when your marks started to fade. The clock has been quietly ticking its way to the end of us for a while now. The best thing we can do is chalk this up to a lovely fling that ran its course.’
And just like that, I broke the heart of the only man I had ever loved.
Chapter Forty-Two
‘You could have gone out there for a holiday. Just to see if you’d have liked it.’
My smile was sad as Mel continued to clutch at straws that I’d never allowed myself to hold on to.
‘It’s all sunshine and beaches and laid-back lifestyle. What’s not to like?’ I said, lifting the oversized coffee cup to my lips and sipping the contents slowly.
‘Spiders,’ Jackson declared with an exaggerated shudder. ‘They’d be a major downside to living in Oz. And don’t get me started on sharks. No, you’re better off staying here.’
‘Spiders don’t worry me. I’ve stuck my head in too many dusty attics for them to be an issue.’
Jackson shook his head sadly. ‘Then I’m all out of reasons why you’re still here.’ His arm came up around my shoulders and he pulled me in close. ‘Except, of course, if you had decided to go, you’d have been a hell of a distance from Mel and me. And we wouldn’t be able to descend on her and eat all her fancy biscuits whenever we wanted,’ he added, swiping the last chocolate Hobnob from the plate and impressively managing to get the entire thing in his mouth.
‘Exactly,’ I said, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.
‘You’d better not be staying here because of us,’ Mel said, before taking a sip from the single cup of coffee she allowed herself each day, and sighing in bliss. ‘I mean it, Ells. Please tell me we’ve never been a deciding factor in any of this.’ She waggled her fingers between herself and Jackson. ‘Because I’ll disown you as my friend in a heartbeat if that’s why you’re not going with Rhys.’
Mel rested the cup on her impressive bump as though nature had handily given her a new and interesting lap tray. The liquid rippled in the cup as the baby moved, lightening the mood and making us all laugh. That was good, because over the last five weeks, since I’d left Rhys standing alone beneath the tree where we’d met, I was seriously beginning to think I’d forgotten how.
‘It’s not any one thing,’ I explained. ‘It’s too many things. It’s this little baby, it’s both of you, it’s Henry, it’s making my mum proud, and it’s the business.’
Jackson gave my hand the kind of squeeze that breaks fingers. ‘Glad to hear that one is finally at the bottom of the list, Harker. It’s about time.’
My smile was tinged with sadness. ‘I’m learning.’
‘Now!’ Mel cried suddenly, quickly passing Jackson her coffee and grabbing my hand and laying it flat against the tight-as-a-drum skin of her stomach.
Her eyes held mine with a look of dancing excitement. Unconsciously I held my breath as though trying not to spook the infant beneath my palm. Fifteen seconds later I was rewarded with a slight squirm and then a resounding tiny kick.
‘Oh my God. That’s incredible,’ I exclaimed, all at once – and totally unexpectedly – on the verge of tears. ‘How does that feel to you?’
‘Kind of wonderful.’
I thought I’d seen every expression on my old friend’s face, but the one she was currently wearing was new to me. It was serene and suffused with joy. Just as surprising was a sudden longing that tugged at something deep inside me.
Mel had picked her moment well, catching me with my guard lowered. She covered the hand that was still resting on her belly with her own.
‘I saw Rhys yesterday.’
‘What? Where? How come?’
My head spun to Jackson, faster than a tango dancer. ‘Did you know anything about this?’
He raised his hands in the universal gesture of surrender. ‘Don’t jump down my throat. This is breaking news to me.’
I turned my attention back to Mel, who was now looking far more Machiavelli than Madonna in my eyes.
‘Did you arrange to see him?’