I didn’t even realise he’d spun us around until I felt the cold wet surface of my car behind me. Our kisses were growing more ardent, and if there were security cameras in the car park Nick was going to need to erase the tapes before his colleagues saw them, because neither of us was holding back or taking it slowly.
His hands were on my bottom, and I gasped softly against his mouth as he lifted me easily from the ground. My legs went around him, anchoring me against him in the place we both craved. The rain was beating relentlessly on my bare thighs, and I shivered as his hands skimmed over the damp flesh.
I don’t remember him walking us through the car park or pushing open the surgery door, but we made the journey somehow without collision or mishap. The first thing I became aware of was the soft cushions of the staffroom couch as he gently lowered me down on to it.
I can remember murmuring something about getting everything wet before we found an easy solution to that problem. My fingers began working on the buttons of his shirt, pulling and yanking them fervently. When they were freed, I tugged the garment free from his waistband. My eyes were heavy with desire as I looked up at him. Nick was breathing hard, clearly trying to rein in something that was about to escape. He held his body away from mine, as though doing planks in a gym.
‘This isn’t how it should be, Lexi. You deserve better than this.’
I shook my head, terrified this was all about to stop. ‘This is perfect,’ I breathed against his mouth.
‘You should have a bed,’ he said hoarsely, as his fingers finally found the clasp of my zip and tugged it slowly down. ‘Silk sheets,’ he murmured against my throat as he gently eased the dress off my shoulders. ‘And champagne,’ he said, nipping gently on the sensitive skin at the side of my neck.
‘I don’t need any of that,’ I said on a groan, as his mouth returned to claim mine. ‘I just need this.’
The buckle on his belt was digging uncomfortably into my stomach but that too was easily sorted as my fingers went to the fastening and slipped it free.
This time it was his turn to gasp.
‘We can stop. If you want us to, we can stop,’ Nick said throatily.
‘No, we can’t. Ican’t,’ I said with an abandon I’d never known before.
Stopping simply wasn’t an option. Until suddenly it was.
I didn’t hear the phone ring, though the handset was right on the desk beside us. I was so lost in the heat of desire I was deaf to every sound apart from the low moaning I couldn’t repress as Nick’s fingers skimmed lightly across the lace of my bra.
His fingers were scorching me and then suddenly they were gone, and so too was the weight of his body.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a face so full of tortured regret as he looked down at me for a very long moment before sadly shaking his head. ‘I’m so sorry, but I have to get this.’
I looked around, still too lost in the moment to realise that somewhere close by a phone was ringing and Nick was about to answer it.
‘I’m the only vet on call. Ihaveto answer it,’ he said, swooping down to press a brief, hard kiss on my lips before plucking up the handset.
He looked away from me as he took the call, as though he couldn’t entirely trust his resolve not to weaken.
I heard severalUh-huhsand quite a fewI seesfrom him, as I straightened up my underwear and zipped up my dress. By the time he got to the point in the call when he was sayingThat’s okay. Don’t worry. Bring her straight down to the surgery. I’ll meet you there in ten minutes, I was entirely presentable, apart from the tell-tale flush of desire still staining my cheeks.
21
When you’ve loved someone your entire life, you see things that the rest of the world misses. When your connection runs even deeper, like mine does with Amelia, their pain and disappointment becomes yours too. Which meant that on the morning she left hospital, I had a ringside seat to every moment when my sister’s hopes were lifted before they crashed and burned.
She hid it well. If Mum had been there, I’m not sure if evenshewould have seen how her elder daughter’s hands had tightened on the arms of the wheelchair as the orderly propelled her out of the lift and into the hospital foyer. Would anyone else have realised there was nothing casual in the way her eyes swept the vast reception area? Would they have spotted how she sat up straighter, as alert as a meerkat, when she spied a man in the far corner of the room by the vending machine? His face was hidden, but his hair was almost the right shade, and he was nearly tall enough, although possibly not as broad shouldered. Either way, the similarities were close enough for Amelia’s fingernails to curl into the cushioned vinyl armrests of her wheelchair. Her neck was craned as far as it could go and I think she was seconds away from calling out his name, when the man bent to retrieve his drink from the dispenser and turned around. It wasn’t Sam, of course it wasn’t. And it wasn’t Nick either. As we walked towards the car park, my heart ached like a stone in my chest… and it wasn’t only for my sister.
She thought she saw him again at a crowded bus stop. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her fingers paw at the passenger window as we drove past and then slide slowly down the glass as once again she realised it wasn’t the face she was looking for. Her disappointed sigh filled the car with a melancholy that even the radio couldn’t erase, but I turned up the volume anyway.
Because she’d mentioned Sam much less over the last few weeks, and had stopped asking when he was going to leave the retreat, we’d all hoped her confused fantasy was finally fading. But now I wondered if she’d simply been biding her time, convinced he’d be waiting for her when she left the hospital. It felt like we’d taken two steps forward and three back.
‘Have you booked your return flight yet?’ she asked, finally turning her gaze from the window when we left the suburbs – and strangers who weren’t Sam – behind.
‘Are you trying to send me packing already?’
Even her smile looked tired. ‘You’ve got a life to get back to, Lexi. You’ve put it on hold for long enough.’
‘Here I am, looking forward to us being roomies, and you can’t wait to get shot of me,’ I teased. ‘And this isbeforeyou’ve tasted my terrible cooking or found out I’ve been borrowing half your wardrobe for weeks.’
Too late, my words reminded me of the reason for that and the man I was doing my best not to think about. Although to be fair, pretty much everything had made me think of Nick since the moment I’d opened my eyes that morning.