Jared doesn’t rush to offer sympathy or reassurance. Instead, he continues to be silent, waiting for me to work through my thoughts.
“I’m not saying that’s what’s happening with Leif,” I hurry to add. “He hasn’t said anything to me along those lines.”
“But?” Jared prods when I stay quiet too long.
“But when he found out Carson would be working at Pinecrest Academy…” I shake my head. “He was spooked. And Carson rubs me wrong. It’s not the same as Auren, but the way he spoke about Leif, taking credit for his accomplishments, sits wrong with me. It was…controlling.”
Jared frowns with disquiet. “I got the same vibe.”
“Leif was late the first day of our lessons,” I admit, having not told Jared at the time. “He’d already confirmed he was on his way, but he didn’t show for over an hour, and when he did, he gave me a flimsy excuse about traffic on Harbor Street. It was the first day of drop-off for Quinn. And now…”
“He’s canceled after saying he’d be here,” Jared says.
“Yes.”
Jared reaches across the table and takes my hand. “And it scares you.”
“Yes,” I say again. “Because I recognize the pattern.”
Jared’s thumb brushes once over the back of my hand. “What pattern?”
“When Auren first started pulling away,” I say, the memory surfacing without the usual sting, “I responded by trying harder. More attention, more care, more… everything. All it did was speed up the inevitable.”
Jared’s attention remains steady on me as he listens.
“And before that, in foster care, when placements got difficult, I’d watch kids disappear into themselves before running away. The withdrawal always came first.” I tap my spoon on the side of my bowl, the soft clink punctuating my thoughts. “I did it myself, sometimes.”
“So you think Leif is protecting himself?” Jared asks.
The question hangs in the air while I consider. “Or protecting someone else. Either way, Leif was spooked at the party, and I’m not sure whether I should give him space or check in. Or whether checking in will make it worse.”
He gestures for me to continue.
“And then I start wondering if I should be more accommodating,” I add. “Be less… present. So I don’t overwhelm him.”
Jared is quiet for a beat. “Has Leif asked you for space?”
“No,” I admit. “He hasn’t asked for anything.”
“Okay,” he says.
I look down at our joined hands. “I don’t want to pressure him, either.”
“And you won’t,” Jared reassures. “But that’s not the same thing as needing to disappear.”
“I also don’t want to be like my friends were with me when I was with Auren. They didn’t realize what was happening. Or if they did, it was easier for them not to get involved.”
I blow out a slow breath. “I don’t want Leif to believe he has nowhere to turn.”
Jared considers my concerns. “Have you told him that?”
I pull my hand back, wrapping my fingers around my spoon. “How can I when he hasn’t brought it up? We’re not pack, so it’s not my place.”
Jared leans back in his chair, studying me. “Have you told Leif about Auren?”
My shoulders stiffen. “No.”
“Why not?”