“That’s bullshit,” I snap. “Pack means we share burdens. It means no one fights alone.”
A flash of naked longing crosses Leif’s face before he schools his expression, but I’ve seen now the depth of his desire for what Emily and I offer, and his conviction he can’t have it.
“You think you’re protecting Emily by keeping her in the dark,” I say, the realization dawning as I speak it. “You think whatever you’re dealing with would hurt her more if she knew.”
Leif’s silence confirms my guess. His finger traces the rim of his cold coffee, round and round in a nervous circuit.
“Have you considered how not knowing is its own kind of pain?” I ask. “How imagination fills in blanks with worst-case scenarios?”
A customer drops a mug near the counter, the crack of breaking ceramic triggering a flinch as Leif’s whole body tenses for attack.
“It’s Carson, isn’t it?” I ask, watching for his reaction. “He’s the reason you’ve been disappearing more and more often.”
Leif’s face drains of color, confirming my suspicions without words.
“Don’t,” he whispers. “Please.”
The plea carries weight beyond its simplicity. Don’t ask. Don’t pursue this. Don’t make me choose.
“You have people who care about you,” I say, reaching across the table. “People who will stand with you. Whatever this is.”
Leif pulls his hands back, rejecting my offer. “It’s not what you think.”
His fingers curl inward, nails digging into his palms. The hollow of his throat works as he swallows. I wait, hoping he’ll finally open up and explain so we can help him.
Instead, he pushes his untouched coffee away and stands, coat clutched in his hands.
“I need to go,” he says with a defeat that wasn’t there when he arrived. “I have a meeting soon.”
As he turns to leave, I reach out and catch his wrist. His pulse leaps beneath my fingers, a frightened bird trying to escape.
Immediately, I release him, holding his eyes instead. “Whatever this is, it’s not worth destroying what you and Emily are building. It’s not worth destroying you.”
For a moment, I think he might sit back down. But then he shakes his head with gentle firmness.
He slips his arms into his coat. “I’ll talk to Emily tonight.”
A moment later, he’s gone, the bell above the door marking his exit into the December rain, leaving me with two cooling coffees and the cold certainty that Leif is drowning and unable to grasp the lifeline I offered.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Leif
The moment my hand touches Carson’s office door, my gut twists with the primal warning to run. But I can’t avoid him when he’s summoned me to his office.
Iwillrefuse to stay past when I promised Emily I’d be at the cottage tonight, though. I refuse to break my word to her again.
Three knocks, then I enter without waiting for permission.
“Leif.” Carson’s head lifts from his computer screen, his welcome neither warm nor surprised. “Right on time.”
“You wanted to see me?”
“Please, sit.” He gestures toward the chair, his sandy hair catching light from the window behind him, creating a halo effect I know isn’t accidental. When I comply, he leans forward, elbows on his polished desk. “How are the preparations for the end-of-year celebration going?”
“Everything’s on track,” I say, keeping it professional. “All of the vendors are confirmed.”
“Excellent.” Carson’s fingers form a steeple beneath his chin. “Excellent. Your attention to detail continues to impress.”