Donna's expression softens, just slightly. "You'll do fine. First night's always rough. Just smile, walk fast, and don't spill anything on anybody important."
Then she's gone, disappearing back through the EMPLOYEES ONLY door, and I'm standing alone on a casino floor in a city where I know exactly no one, wearing jeans and a t-shirt that's seen better days, holding an apron with a skull on it.
*What the hell am I doing?*
But I know what I'm doing. I'm surviving. Same thing I've been doing since I was old enough to understand my mother loved her drugs more than she loved me. Same thing I've been doing since I realized Marcus's father was never going to be the man he promised he'd be.
I'm surviving, and I'm keeping my son safe, and if that means serving drinks to gamblers in a biker-owned casino, then that's what I'll do.
The employee area is cramped and dated, lockers lining one wall and a small bench bolted to the floor. Two other womenare here: one changing into shorts, the other touching up her makeup in a mirror that's cracked in the corner.
I find locker forty-seven and dial in the combination—17-32-09. It opens with a rusty squeak. I shove my purse inside, then strip off my t-shirt and jeans, always aware of the other women in the space. My body's not like Liz's or Jamie's. I'm soft where they're toned, curvy in places that magazines have spent decades telling me are wrong.
But I don't have time for that spiral tonight. I tug on the black tank top I bought yesterday at a thrift store. Three dollars, slightly faded but clean, and pull on the black pants that are just a little too tight in the thighs.
"First night?" Liz asks, sitting on the bench to lace up sneakers.
"That obvious?"
She grins. "You've got that deer-in-headlights thing happening. It's cute. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Thursdays are easy. Just keep drinks moving and don't piss off the brothers."
There's that word again. Brothers.
"What happens if you piss them off?" I ask, only half-joking.
Jamie finally looks over, one perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised. "Nothing good. But they're mostly harmless if you're not stupid. Keep your head down, do your job, don't flirt with the wrong guy. Basic stuff."
"Mostly harmless?" I repeat.
"They're bikers, babe," Jamie says, capping her eyeliner. "But they're not gonna hurt you for spilling a drink or screwing up an order. Just don't steal from them or lie to them. They're big on loyalty and respect."
I nod, tying the apron around my waist. The weight of it settles against my hips, grounding me slightly.
"You'll probably meet Havoc tonight," Liz says, standing and adjusting her tank top. "He's usually on the floor Thursdays."
"Havoc?"
"Club enforcer. Tall, scary, looks like he could murder you with his pinky finger." Liz says it lightly, like she's describing a slightly intimidating teddy bear. "Don't let him freak you out. He's actually pretty chill unless you're causing problems."
Jamie snorts. "Chill? The man looks like he's one bad day away from snapping someone in half."
"Yeah, but when's the last time he actually snapped?"
"Fair."
I don't find any of this comforting.
"Come on," Liz says, heading toward the door. "I'll show you the ropes. Stick close the first hour. You'll get the hang of it."
The casino floor is even more overwhelming the second time. Music pulses from speakers I can't see. Voices blend into a constant hum. Somewhere, someone shouts in victory. A woman laughs, high and sharp.
I follow Liz to the waitress station, watching as she loads a tray with four beers, two whiskeys neat, one vodka cranberry. She moves like she's done this a million times, which she probably has.
"Table nineteen," she says, balancing the tray on one hand. "Watch."
I trail her through the maze of tables and slot machines, trying to memorize the path. She delivers the drinks with a smile,exchanges a few words with the players, collects empty glasses, and we're moving again.
"Your turn," she says, handing me an empty tray. "Table fifteen wants two Jack and Cokes and a Bud Light. Table twenty wants another round of three Coronas. Go."