But he could not afford to let his heart be vulnerable like that again.Never. Losing his grandfather had been far too much to bear, and it had cost him nearly everything he had. The thought of letting another person into his heart sent him into a fit of horror and panic, and he simply did not want to take any chances.
That did not mean he was not sorry about her plight. He understood that the marriage had not left her with any choice over the matter, and the least he could have done was provide her with some form of companionship – at least until her sisters had been reunited with her. But his choices had led her to a point where she had begun to seek solace in books.
Every evening for the last few days, he would pass by the dining hall, and find her reading as she had her dinner, and the sight would cause an ache in his chest. It saddened him to know that he had trapped her in a situation that was making her suffer until her goal had come to fruition, and he wished he could do something to help.
But things had become even more complicated by the… feelings for her that had arisen. Suddenly, his waking hours were plagued with thoughts of her, her sighs, her taste, her lips. He observed Scar’s training sessions with her from his study, itching to drag her inside, into his bed. It was taking all of his strength to resist such urges, but he was also losing his mind in the process.
“Oh, good evening, darling,” his grandmother greeted, pulling him out of his thoughts.
He had barely caught onto her presence before she grabbed onto his wrist and pulled him into the dining hall, only made aware of his situation due to the startled noise Agnes made. When he looked down at her, she avoided his gaze, focusing her attention on the Dowager Duchess instead.
“Good evening, Your Graces.”
“Good evening, Agnes. I see you have picked another classic.” His grandmother smiled at her, gesturing at the book in her hands.
Agnes glanced down at it, looking back up with a smile.
“Yes, it is one of my favorites. My father insisted that my sisters and I read it, and they both found it boring, but I quite enjoyed it. The plot was quite intriguing, and I never saw the twists coming.”
“Perhaps you should join your betrothed to read, Silas. She sounds like she has quite a few thoughts to share on this book – one you had claimed had no clear goal.” Alexandra said, addressing her grandson.
Silas’ eyes widened, and he glanced between them, clearly hesitating to make a decision. His meddling grandmother faced his bride-to-be and smiled sweetly as she asked,
“You do not mind if he joins you, do you, lovely? He can be a little bull-headed about his opinions –”
“Grandmother,please–”
“– but I assure you, he means well. It would certainly be better than having to stifle all your excitement over such a profound piece of literature with no one to share it with.” The Dowager Duchess intoned gently.
Agnes looked up at him, her gaze never leaving his as she said,
“If His Grace does not mind, then… he can join me.”
Silas swallowed, unable to look away as he nodded, a jerky movement that appeared to lack coordination because of how stiff he was, but he hoped she received the message regardless.
“Excellent,” Alexandra clapped her hands. “Your godmother and I will be heading out to the opera. There’s a wonderful soprano who just arrived in town today, and everyone is abuzz about her past performances. We simply must see her.”
Agnes nodded with a smile. “Enjoy your night.”
“That we will certainly do,” she called over her shoulder, tugging Silas into the room fully, telling them as she left, “Enjoy reading.”
The door shut behind her, and silence fell, cold and tense in a way that filled Silas with discomfort. He considered leaving but stopped as Agnes asked.
“You did not enjoyJane Eyre?”
He hesitated, then snapped his fingers at a servant, pointing at a chair, then to the empty spot on Agnes’ left side. Once the chair had been delivered, he settled into it and folded his arms.
“It was not that I didn’t enjoy it. It was a fine read, but certain events transpired in the book that I could not come to terms with.”
“Such as?”
“Her marriage to Mr. Rochester, for one. It was quite ironic how she had initially depended on him, and at the end, when he was blind and alone, he came to depend on her. I think it was quite impressive that she was able to forgive his deceit and settled to be with him in the end.”
“Would you rather she married St. John Rivers? He did not love her, but Mr. Rochester did. Yes, he was deceitful, and he should have been more forthcoming about his situation with his wife, but that does not mean he did not deserve a second chance. It was not as much about his dependency on her but more about how their first attempt at a relationship had come when neither of them was ready. But their love persevered until it had gotten to a point when they could be together properly.
“I think that it is important to believe in second chances. To err is to be human, and nothing was more humane than a man as flawed as Mr. Rochester and Jane’s genuine heart.”
Silas watched her for a moment and then nodded.