“Silas,” she gasped, tightening her grip on his arms.
That seemed to break the spell, and he leaned back, breathing heavily, looking as though his whole world had been turned upside down. Agnes wondered what she looked like from his perspective, her mind still weakened by the heat pooling between her legs.
Did she look as debauched as she felt? Could the heat within her cheeks be reflected on the surface of her skin? Did he know from her dazed expression how much she wanted them to go even further?
He simply stared hard at her, almost like he could not decide what to do next, and she couldn’t help but smile lazily, her mind and body humming pleasantly with hot need.
“You know… for someone who claims to be irritated by me, you seemed pretty attracted to me moments ago. Have you perhaps changed your mind about that?”
She did not expect him to admit it, as much as she hoped he would not necessarily address it and pick up where they had left off, already missing the feel of his lips against hers. But she was disappointed when he pulled away completely and stepped back, away from her.
“You are mistaken. I do not need anyone. Leave me be.”
He looked… much angrier than he had been earlier, and she did not want to push him even more, slipping out of the study without another word. She could not pretend she was not disappointed by his direction, even as she was surprised by her attraction to him.
All her life, she had suppressed whatever needs and desires she had because her thoughts and actions were always ever first and foremost for the benefit and happiness of her sisters. And that worried her father greatly. He used to pat her head and ask gently,
“What about you, poppet? What do you wish for? What do you want? You can’t always serve your sisters because you are also a person who needs to be served as well. I do not pray that a time will come when you will be unable to reach for the things you want because there is hardly anything as regretful as the thought of a chance that was missed. After all, it was not taken.”
And now, she seemed to want someone who made her blood boil and had no interest in forming any sort of relationship with her.
His rejection stung, and her heart ached as she went to her room, her mind swirling with thoughts on what to do next. Perhaps she would focus her energy and time solely on training Scar, and eventually, her thoughts of the Duke would subside. She did not care that she did not have his approval since he already felt that she would go against him anyway.
With that in mind, she forced herself to abandon thoughts of her future husband and focus on ensuring that Scar would win the competition.
Silas tried not to pay too much attention to her departure, ignoring the fibers of his being screaming at him to call her back as he settled into his chair. Once the door shut behind her, he dropped his head into his hands and groaned in frustration, willing his heart to be still.
He did not really wish for her to leave, and now that she was gone, he felt as though it was harder to breathe than when he had been pressed against her, swallowing every sound she made. There was an ache in his chest that throbbed when he realized he could have had her then and there and that she would have likely let him.
This was never the plan. He had no intention to get close to his wife right from the start, but Agnes was not what he had expected at all. She had a fiery spirit and stubbornness that rivaled his greatly, and as much as all of that annoyed him… it also made him yearn for her.
But she was not someone he could have. Her aspirations for their marriage were simple and clear – she wanted her sisters. She wanted the family that she had been ripped from, the family that was somewhere waiting for her.
And Silas had no one. Every loss of his had always been permanent and destructive. And clinging to her would only sentence her to a life of solitude or even put her at risk of being another victim of his fate. She was far too bright to be chained by someone as flawed as he was.
So, no matter how much his heart craved for her, he would have to do what was best for them and keep up the rift between them.
He was far too undeserving of her love.
Chapter Nine
It was easier said than done for Agnes to focus her attention solely on Scar’s training.
At first, it seemed as though her plan was off to a good start. The next morning, after learning about the competition, she set off to find out everything she could about it and Scar as well. Lukas – the most forthcoming and indulgent of her idea – had been more than happy to tell her all she needed to know.
“It is held every year around this same time – when the season is at its peak. Attendance from people all over the country can be counted on, as it is quite a large-scale sight. The competition features a number of events within it – the most important of which is the showcase and the race.” Lukas had explained while carefully pouring her a cup of tea.
“The showcase?” Agnes queried, a little confused by that aspect.
“Yes. People like to… simply look at some of the horses. A lot of points can be garnered if the beast is a lot easier on the eyes. The showcase allows the audience to participate in the competition as they can vote on which horse they fancy the most.”
“Oh,” Agnes exclaimed softly. “Well, we should have no problems there – our darling Scar is quite a looker.”
She had not been exaggerating. Scar was, after all, a thoroughbred – one of the most elegant and strongest horse breeds out there – and Silas’ care and dedication to him was obvious in the way his coat shone beneath the sun and how quickly he moved.
“I am still surprised you were able to convince His Grace to let you enter the competition with Scar.”
Agnes frowned. “What do you mean? I thought he had participated in the competition previously. You said Lord Hamilton had never beaten him.”