My brow pinched. “I ... Yes? You did?”
“Almost inappropriate, but I’ll let it slide.”
Inappropriate?
My eyes flew down to the desk, and the entire fucking floor could’ve given way underneath me and I wouldn’t have noticed.
The only envelope sitting on the table in front of me was the one with the judge’s name on it. Which meant ...
My eyes snapped back up to the judge as she skimmed the rest of the letter with a shocked smile on her face. Fuck.Fuuuuuuuck.
I kicked Williams again.
“Ouch, what?”
I leaned down. “You gave her the wrong fucking letter,” I hissed.
His eyes widened. “I thought it was a copy. You didn’t tell me which one to give her.”
“Give her the one with her name on it, you twit.”
The judge cleared her throat. “Is everything all right?”
“Yes, Your Honor,” we said in unison.
“Good. I haven’t even finished it yet, but I’m going to read a section of this, if you don’t mind,” she said, a regal tilt to her jaw. “This islovely, Mr. Evans.”
I was going to fucking kill the rookie.
“Your Honor,” I started haltingly, “if you don’t mind, I—”
“Sit, Mr. Evans,” she instructed, not taking her eyes off the words in front of her. She held the letter out so she could see it clearly and began to read. “The moment I saw you, I knew my life had changed. I should have known that it would, because looking in your eyes made everything clearer and sharper than it ever had been.”
I covered my mouth with one hand and pinched my eyes shut.
Please,I prayed fervently. A natural disaster. Fire in the building. Anything.
The rookie groaned under his breath and braced his elbows on the table, covering his face with his hands.
“When you walked away,” she read, “I should have trusted life would find a way to put you in my path again, because that’s where we’re meant to be. We’re meant to be in each other’s lives. You bring a light and warmth to everyone who knows you, but what you brought me wasn’t just about those things, though I experienced that too.” She paused and gave me a delighted look. “This is just incredible, Mr. Evans, I had no idea our first meeting meant so much to you.”
I gave her a weak smile. “Your Honor, please—”
“Yes, yes of course, I’ll keep going, my apologies.” She cleared her throat. The court reporter kept typing, and I was so very glad there’d be a record of this for all eternity. “But I needed more than just light and warmth. I needed change. And while you’ve kick-started mine, I won’t only be changing for you. I’ll change for me. For my sister. For a family I hope to have someday, the family I pray you’re a part of, where I can teach my own children how to be imperfect and mess up and love each other. Trusting me will be difficult. If that takes time, I understand. I’ll never be a poet, and I don’t know how to say pretty things that put into words what my time with you has meant, but I’ve realized something in the time we’ve spent apart.
“It feels better to work really fucking hard to be the best version of myself, and not allow myself to be the worst simply because it’s what everyone expected. I’d let them—let you—form those expectations, but it’s also in my power to try to break apart the notions people held of me. I want to do that with you. For you. But for me too.”
If it was possible to feel the weight of a dozen or more shocked gazes on the back of my head, then I was feeling them, and I sucked in a fortifying breath and turned slightly, hoping I was right and just one of them was hers.
I was.
Her eyes were big, her cheeks flushed. Her mouth hung open.
I smiled and shook my head, giving her a helpless shrug.For you,I mouthed, tilting my head back toward the judge.
A shocked laugh burst out of her mouth, and in the stunned silence of the courtroom after, Remi slapped a hand over her lips, eyes widening in horror.
The judge stopped. “Is everything all right?”