“What if I was normal?” I said raggedly.
“What?” she whispered.
“What if I was normal?” I held her gaze and took a step closer. “What if I was average and worked at a fucking ... bank or something? Could I walk away from this and have a chance with you?”
“Archer.” Another tear fell. “Stop.”
“What if I was just ... Archer?” I stepped closer again, my heart hammering wildly in my chest. As gently as I could manage with the screaming emotions I could hardly control, I cupped her face in my hands, wiping her tears away with the edges of my thumbs. “What if I walked away from all of it? Would you have me then?”
Remi let out a choked sob, eyes falling closed as I held her face. “I don’t want you to be something you’re not,” she said. “Ilikewho you are. I—”
I stepped back, my hands falling limply by my sides. “Stop, God, please don’t say anything else.”
She respected the terse request, covering her mouth with trembling fingers.
“Of all the ways he has fucked me up, this ... this right here is why I hate him the most.” I hung my hands off the back of my neck and stared forlornly at the woman I’d fallen in love with. The woman I couldn’t have. “I don’t know how people do this, and I have no compass to work my way through. I don’t have a model. All I want to do right now is let my disappointment turn into absolute ugly fucking rage and say something to light a match between us right now.”
Remi shook her head, closing the distance between us, her eyes holding mine. “Don’t. Don’t do that.”
The temptation reared high and impossibly loud, sliding through my mind because I felt so fucking helpless.
“I could make you hate me,” I said quietly. She lifted her hands and cupped my face. I held on to her wrists and exhaled heavily. “I could make you hate me so easily.”
“No, you couldn’t,” she said, tears making her voice thick and wet.
I didn’t want her crying for me.
The sight of her—beautiful even in tears—made me so fucking weak. Weak like I would walk away from the career I’d built. Weak like I would let my poisonous tongue take over and sever this connection so thoroughly, until the only thing left in her eyes was disgust.
An insidious voice, the one that cracked a curling whip over the nastiest of my self-sabotaging tendencies, whispered that she’d be able to move on easier if I did.
Be able to move on from me.
Before I could do either, I pushed her hands off my face and took a step back. “Yes, Remi, I could.”
“Mom?”
My stomach bottomed out.
Gavin was standing in the doorway to the shelter, gaze bouncing between us.
Remi’s eyes widened, her hands dashing furiously over her cheeks. “Gavin, I’ll be right in. Go find Aunt Ness.”
Gavin’s brow furrowed at the sound of her voice, and he swung his gaze to me.
Confused.
Angry.
Heartbroken.
“What are you doing to her?” He took a step closer, his chest heaving on short, panting breaths. “Why are you making her cry?”
Remi reached for him. “No, Gavin, baby, let me take you inside.”
He shook her arm off and marched over to me. “Go away!” he yelled, tears filling his eyes.
“Gavin,” Remi begged, tears flowing unchecked down her face again as she tried to pull him back with one hand on his arm. “Stop. He’s not doing—”