"When's our first meeting?"
"Never, if I have my way." Those words come out with venom.
"Professor Hendricks requires weekly meetings. With documentation."
She finally turns around, eyes blazing. "Then we'll meet in the library. In public. For exactly one hour and you'll keep your comments professional or I swear I'll report you for creating a hostile work environment."
"Hostile? I'm being perfectly pleasant."
"You're being you. That's hostile enough."
Other students are starting to file in. Watching us with undisguised curiosity.
Ivy turns back around, her shoulders rigid.
Professor Hendricks arrives and launches into the lecture. Something about Porter's Five Forces. I take notes automaticallywhile the back of Ivy's head occupies ninety percent of my attention.
This is unsustainable. I can't keep doing this, being near her but not really being with her. Wanting her attention even when it's negative. Playing this twisted game where we hurt each other because we don't know how else to interact.
But I don't know how to stop.
When class ends, Ivy's out of her seat before Professor Hendricks finishes speaking.
I follow her into the hallway. "We need to set up our first meeting."
"Library. Wednesday. 3 PM. Don't be late."
"What company should we research?"
"I'll have a list of options ready. We'll decide together."
"Very democratic."
"Very necessary. Now leave me alone." She snaps and walks away, and I let her go. For now.
Marcus catches up to me. "Dude, what's going on with you and Ivy? The tension is insane."
"History."
"Bad history?" he asks, and I roll my eyes. Does it look like good history?
"The worst."
"Want to talk about it?"
"Not even a little."
He nods. "Fair. But for what it's worth? Whatever happened, she's clearly not over it. Neither are you. Maybe you should actually deal with it instead of whatever this is."
"This is dealing with it."
"This is avoiding dealing with it. There's a difference."
He's right. I know he's right.
But talking to Ivy, really talking to her, explaining what happened, asking for forgiveness requires a courage I don't have.
So instead, I'll keep playing the villain.