Yeah, you’re enough of a distraction.“Damn. I was so hoping to get a glimpse of karaoke Ollie.”
“Oh God.” He laughed. “Unless I’m alone in the car, it’ll take me about ten margaritas before you catch an earful of me singing.”
“Say it ain’t so.”
“It’s so all right. It’s not just the words I butcher. I think I’m as bad at singing as I am at the piano.”
“Yikes,” I said, pretending to cringe. “That’s a little scary.”
“Hey, isn’t that against some kind of teacher handbook to tell a student they suck?”
“I never said you sucked. I said you were scary.”
Ollie bristled and shook his head. “I blame the teacher, then. After one class, I should be a goddamn prodigy. I want my money back.”
With a laugh, I flipped down the visor to block the sun from blinding me and wondered at how surprised I was by how easy it was to just be with him. I didn’t feel any pressure or tension coming from his direction—instead, I simply enjoyed his company. But I wanted to know more. I wanted to know about the day-to-day, and I wanted him to know he could talk to me if he needed to. That was part of this wholegetting to know you againthing, wasn’t it?
“Why was it a rough day at work?” I asked.
“Nah, you don’t wanna hear about that.”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”
He bit down on his lip for a moment and then nodded. “Sometimes it’s just a hard job. No two days are ever the same, which I like, but you never know what you’re walking into when you get a call.” He looked out the passenger window. “Not everyone has a happy ending.”
My heart lurched at the sadness in his tone. “I don’t know how you do it. How you don’t carry all that home with you.”
“Oh, but I do,” he said. “Most of the people I work with, they’ve got kids or partners to come home to. I don’t really have any diversions to keep my mind from replaying what I call thecould’ve-should’ves. I think a lot about the patients that come through, about how they’re faring or what I could’ve done differently. It weighs on me a bit.” He gave me a tight smile. “And now I bet you’re thinking that’s too heavy of an answer.”
“No. I was thinking it takes a special person to be able to handle a job like yours.”
His smile grew a little bigger. “I appreciate you saying that.”
“It’s the truth. I could never do a job where people’s lives were in my hands.”
“You’d be surprised what you find you can do that you never imagined. I mean, look at you and all you’ve been through. It hasn’t been easy, but you’re trying. Right? And I bet it would’ve seemed impossible before. Thriving and driving,” he said, chuckling.
Thriving and driving was right. It hadn’t been nearly as scary as I thought it would be. The drive had been a smooth one, exactly like riding a bike for the first time after a long winter. I wasn’t as rusty as I thought, and that had me feeling brave.
“Ollie? I think…I’d like to go back,” I said.
“No problem. I can take you back if you want. Just pull over when it’s clear,” he said, reaching down to unbuckle his seatbelt.
“No, I mean…back to where it happened.”
“Oh,” Ollie said, his eyebrows lifted. “Are you sure?”
“I’d rather face it for the first time with you than on my own.” I glanced at him. “Is that okay?”
“It’s more than okay,” he said. His vote of confidence made me smile, and I turned us around in the direction of downtown.
But the closer we got to where it’d all gone done, the more my self-assurance faded. By the time I turned onto Mercer, my hands were full-on trembling.
“You’re doing great, Reid,” he said, his encouragement exactly the thing I needed to hear as we traveled down Mercer, coming up to the intersection at Thomas, where I’d been blindsided by a truck that January morning.
The light was red as we approached the intersection, and I slowed to a stop, my hands clenched tightly around the wheel. Neither of us spoke as we sat there, waiting for the light to change. When it turned green, I stayed where I was for another few seconds, looking on all sides for anyone who’d decided to disregard their red light. Then I cautiously crossed over Thomas, right over where my car had been hit, and as soon as I passed it, I let out the breath I’d been holding.
“You did it,” Ollie said, grinning at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back. It may have seemed like such a small step to anyone else, but to me, I’d just faced one of my fears head-on, and the relief I felt was enormous. I figured I would have to work my way up to driving down here, but I’d done it. I’d actually freaking done it. And even though it would still probably be a while before I was comfortable driving again, at least I didn’t have to be afraid of having a panic attack on the road anymore.