CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Rama
I’m surprised when, on the morning of my flight to New York, Pravat insists on taking me to the airport. Part of me wishes he wouldn’t because it makes leaving him so much more difficult. Since the final fan meeting, I’ve tried to put distance between us so my departure will hurt less, but Pravat hasn’t allowed it. He’s messaged me or invited me out every day, and I simply couldn’t turn him down or leave his texts unanswered. I think I’d rather cut off my arm than hurt him that way.
The fact is I hate goodbyes. I’m not good at them, and God knows I don’t want to say goodbye to Pravat. Now that the moment’s come, it scares me how I suddenly wish I’d turned down the internship. I would rather face my father’s anger and disappointment than leave this man, and that’s a problem.
You’ve become reliant on him—something you’ve never done with anyone before. You’ve made yourself strong over the years, and he’s torn all that down, an inner voice berates me.
“What’s wrong?” Pravat asks. We sit at a bar in the airport, waiting for my flight to be called.
Taking a swallow of my gin and tonic, I try to calm my mind. “Just not looking forward to the long flight, that’s all.”
Pravat tilts my chin with his finger, forcing me to look him in the eyes. The gesture is all wrong for who we are to each other now, and as though realizing it, he withdraws his hand. “You’re excited about this trip, aren’t you?”
I bite my lip until it hurts, trying to keep the truth from spilling out of my mouth. Curling my fingers around his hand, I say carefully, “It’s just nerves. And…” I leave off, shaking my head, hating how weak I’ve become. Belatedly, I let go of his hand, telling myself that this trip is exactly what I need. Clearly, I’ve become too attached.
Pravat doesn’t let me off the hook. Trapping my hand between both of his, he says, “Tell me.”
Studying his face, I memorize his features. “We’re going to grow apart.”
Pravat frowns. “No. We’ll stay in touch. I promise.”
Lowering my gaze to the table, I fight the urge to throw myself into his arms and cling to him, something I would never have done with anyone not too long ago.
“We’ll start out that way, but eventually we’ll lose touch,” I say. “It always happens. And…it probably should. We’ve grown too close.”
The way he withdraws at my words sends my heart plummeting.
“I mean…” I shake my head, words left hanging in the air.
“We’re friends, P’Rama,” he says.
“Nong—” I begin, but that doesn’t feel right. He’s never felt younger than I am. I shake my head. “Pravat. I-I want to thank you for all you’ve done for me. I couldn’t have gotten through it all without you.”
Pravat’s smile is soft. “Yes, you could have. You’re an excellent actor. Are you going to keep it up?”
I swallow. “I don’t know. I have to do this internship for my father. Unless I take it, I won’t be able to confidently tell him working for him isn’t what I want.”
My flight number is called over the loudspeaker.
As Pravat moves to rise from his stool, I grab his arm, suddenly frantic to make him understand something I can’t even put into words. “I owe you a debt. You have helped me tremendously. I…I don’t do well with people. And all those love scenes…I couldn’t have done them with anyone but you.”
Looking into my eyes, Pravat says, “You could. You’re better than you believe, Rama. There’s nothing special about me. All that you’ve accomplished, you’ve done on your own merit.”
My eyes mist over. My flight is called again, and I suddenly feel as though time’s working against me.
Tugging me to my feet, Pravat says, “You’d better hurry. You don’t want to miss your plane.”
Yes, I do.
The gate is just around the corner, and it’s too close. I need more time, but in an instant we’re there. The last of the line of travelers are handing over their tickets. Mine is crumpled in my sweaty palm.
Unexpectedly, Pravat presses a kiss to my forehead. “Text me when you arrive in New York. Promise me.”
I nod dumbly and turn to go. I take a step away feeling as though sand weighs down my shoes. Then, dropping my carry-on, I turn and launch myself into Pravat’s arms, hugging him tightly.
“Don’t forget me,” I whisper to him before turning blindly away. Retrieving my bag, I hand the ticket to the attendant.
I don’t look back as I walk into the jetway.