CHAPTER ELEVEN: Rama
Months full of long days of filming slide by. Sometimes I’m so tired when I leave the studio, I’m forced to take a cab home rather than drive. I’ve become accustomed to spending all day and late into the evening with Pravat. I’ve fallen asleep more than once with my head on his shoulder, lap, leg, or arm, and he’s done the same with me. We’ve learned to take our naps where we can get them. I’m closer to him than I’ve ever been to anyone in my life, and I know there’s something meaningful to that, but I’m too busy to examine it.
One day, when we’re filming scenes that don’t involve our characters being together, I have the chance to watch Pravat interacting with others. He’s a naturally affectionate person with everyone, but I note with some satisfaction that he doesn’t pull Aran, Tait, or any of the others onto his lap between scenes like he does with me, holding me there, tapping his fingers on my stomach while he listens to Maha or New.
I miss his comforting presence. I keep having to remind myself how ridiculous that is—that I’m Pravat’s senior, and if anyone should bemaking the other feel secure, it should be me for him. But Pravat has more experience than I do, both at acting and in life. He confided in me one night when we were working late, waiting for a problem with the cameras to be fixed, that after his father died, he’d worked odd jobs to help out his mother and younger siblings. Then, after he got into acting, he was able to help move them out of their rundown apartment and into a small house. Two years later, a fire caused by faulty wiring burned it to the ground, taking his family with it while Pravat was a work.
“Ready for your scene?” Nahm asks me, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I nod and follow him to the room set up to be Aran’s character’s dorm room.
Two hours and eight takes later, I’m exhausted and irritable, especially since I know it was my fault we had to refilm so many times. Without Pravat, I’m off my game.
Tida sits down beside me and hands me a bottle of water. I can barely look at her, I’m so ashamed of my performance today.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble before taking a sip.
“No need to apologize,” she says. “I’m here to see if there’s anything I can do to help.”
Picking at a string at the rip in my jeans, I say, “Thanks, but I’m not sure what that would be.”
“Pravat’s still here. Do you want me to get him for you?” Tida offers.
Alarmed, I raise my eyes to hers. “No, don’t do that.”
“Rama. This is your first acting job, and it’s in a bl drama—that can be very challenging for a straight man. Yet you’ve done amazingly well. You should be proud of yourself.”
“I don’t know why I had so much trouble getting that last scene right,” I say.
“Don’t you?” Tida asks knowingly. “For the duration of filming the series, you and Pravat are partners in this—whether you’re filming scenes together or not. If you need him, you should tell him. In fact, I’m surprised he hasn’t already made that clear to you.”
I think back to the many times Pravat’s told me to come to him anytime.
“He has,” I say, face heating when I remember the night I needed him to talk to me so I could fall asleep after a bad day without him. Since then, I’ve tried hard not to be a bother.
“You should go to him, then.”
“He has some important scenes today,” I object. “I’ll talk to him later.”
She gets to her feet. “Remember this: It works both ways. Pravat needs you as much as you need him.”
As I follow her to the main room, my eyes are drawn to the head of shiny dark hair bent over a script at one of the tables. Pravat has been so good to me, but what have I done for him?
Crossing the room, I lightly rest my hand on his shoulder. He looks up at me with eyes foggy from studying before they focus and light up.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” he says with a warm smile.
“It does feel that way,” I say, resting both hands on his shoulders and pressing into the muscles between them with my thumbs. “You’re very tense.”
Hanging his head, he groans softly. “That feels amazing.”
I’ve missed touching him like this. Using my thumbs, I massage the tension from his neck, Tida’s words replaying in my head.
You and Pravat are partners in this. If you need him, you should tellhim.
Suddenly I stop rubbing and slide my arms around Pravat’s neck, resting my cheek on his head. Closing my eyes, I take a moment to breathe in the scent of him.
His fingers brush my forearm. “Are you all right?”