“I will.”
I understand what Pah is saying about it maybe being for the best, but I don’t want Noi to be humiliated by breaking down in front of the cast and crew. It’s fortunate that only a handful of them will be on location with us.
I decide to ask to meet Khun Intapong and P’Tee on Monday.
Chapter Twenty-five: Mee Noi
Since Sud and I finished filming the love scene, the sense of awareness that’s been building between us the past few months has tripled. As we sit side-by-side in one of the company’s two large vans on the way to Phetchaburi province, the heat of his thigh touching mine is like a brand.
But even though I can tell he feels it, too, Sud barely looks at me. We didn’t see each other over the weekend because he said he had a lot of laundry and housework to do, and when we talked on the phone, he sounded off. I told myself I was imagining it, but now I know I was right. And I can’t help but wonder if he’s rethinking things.
Rethinkingus.
We’ve never discussed the fact that we’re both guys. I don’t think Sud ever considered he might be attracted to the same sex. I don’t know if he even is—just that he’s attracted tome.
I move my leg away from Sud’s. If he notices, he doesn’t show it. A feeling a lot like dread has been with me all morning. I don’tknow if it’s about me and Sud or something else, but it feels like I’ve discovered a ticking bomb and time’s running out.
I try to shake the feeling off. Mustering all the enthusiasm I can, I say, “I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of excited about going to Kaeng Krachan National Park. We haven’t been there since we were kids.” I think about that. “Why didn’t we ever go back after that last time when we were around eight or nine? Mae and Pah took us there a lot, and then, suddenly, we never went back. I don’t think we ever even took Ten.”
I feel Sud’s eyes on me and turn to look at him. The wind from the slightly open window of the van ruffles through his brown hair as he stares at me as though I just said something shocking.
“What?” I ask.
Sud blinks.
“Uh. Yeah, we were nine the last time we went there, I think. We, uh, camped out.”
Thinking back, I say, “I remember swimming at the falls. Was Mae pregnant with Ten then?”
“Maybe. I don’t remember,” Sud says, his gaze going back to the front of the van where two of the cameramen, P’Alan and P’Roy, are chatting while P’Alan drives. A popular song plays on the van radio. I glance over my shoulder to the bench seat behind us where P’Tar scrolls through his phone and P’Payu is scrunched down in the seat, fast asleep. P’Pan, who will be in a fight scene with Sud, listens to something on his earpods. The other van, which is ahead of us on the road, holds the crew. Khun Intapong, P’Tee, and a few others are making the trip in P’Tee’s car.
“Do you remember the cave tour?” Sud suddenly asks me.
A cave? “No. We didn’t go in a cave.”
“Yeah, we did.”
I shake my head. “No-o. Not when I was with you. We camped…I remember Mae getting mad because we were horsingaround in the showers. And walking the trail to the waterfall where we swam.” I pause, smiling. It had been a fun trip. “I remember being disappointed we didn’t see a leopard, and Mae warning us to watch out for snakes. And…” A vague memory surfaces. “Did we see bats?”
Sud tenses, the veins in his arm distinct under his tan skin. “Yeah. Horseshoe bats.”
I brighten, remembering their funny faces. “Right—Pah looked them up. Didn’t one fly at you?”
Sud nods, not looking at me.
Suddenly concerned, I rest my hand on his arm.
“Hey. You okay?”
“Of course.” The muscle in his jaw ticks, belying his words. “Where do you think we saw the bats, Noi, if not in a cave?” His tone remains casual, but there’s something underneath it.
“In the sky?” I suggest, getting annoyed.What is up with him?Crossing my arms over my chest, I stare ahead at the back of P’Roy’s bald head.Can’t he just admit he must have been in a cave on a different trip to the park without me?
We sit in silence after that. I look at my phone for a while but eventually drift off to sleep, waking at the jerky movements of the van as the driver backs it into a parking space. Sheepishly lifting my head, which somehow had ended up resting on Sud’s shoulder, I look around and see the park headquarters.
P’Payu’s head pops over the back of the seat. “We’re renting tents and stuff. I have to go to the bathroom. You?” I nod, and he moves out from behind me and slides open the van door.
Relieved to get out of Sud’s sullen presence for a moment, I follow P’Payu to use the facilities. Afterward, we stand in the parking lot looking around.