Foootbal_maniac01: Are you saying they’re hard to do because he’s like a brother to you? Or…
Ironfistfunnelcake: People always think we’re like brothers, but we aren’t. I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately. A brother is someone who loves you and annoys you and you’re loyal to because you have to be. A best friend also loves you and annoys you sometimes, but you want to spend all your time with him and you’re loyal to him because he’s earned it. Sud’s my best friend. So, to answer your question, it’s the “or…”
Foootbal_maniac01: Wow. Okay, well, you wouldn’t be the first guy to fall for yourshipped partner. Is the problem that you don’t think he feels the same?
Ironfistfunnelcake: I’m not even sure what I’m feeling, tbh. I’ve always loved Sud and never thought abouthow. But now I’m getting turned on when we do these scenes. I’ve never even been interested in anyone before, so I don’t know how it’s supposed to be.
Foootbal_maniac01: Oh, right. You said you’re confused. I see now.
Ironfistfunnelcake:Is it normal to get turned on when doing love scenes?
Foootbal_maniac01:I think it just depends on the person and the scene. Sometimes, there’s way too much technical stuff and cameras and people to allow you to get turned on. Other times, there’s not. Some people couldn’t get turned on in that kind of situation no matter what, but others can.
Ironfistfunnelcake:Have you? If that’s too personal, you don’t have to answer.
I’m glad P’Payu isn’t sitting in front of me right now. I’m so embarrassed, but I need to know.
Foootbal_maniac01: Yeah, I have. P’Tar is the only partner I’ve ever had, and I find him very attractive. He’s admitted the same about me, so that explains our chemistry. P’Tar has physical reactions to love scenes sometimes, too.
Ironfistfunnelcake:And it hasn’t hurt your relationship? You told me you’re really close. I’m relieved.
Foootbal_maniac01:Well, we kind of got it out of our system early on.
I swallow hard, staring at the words. Does P’Payu mean what I think he means?
Foootbal_maniac01: Are you still there? Lol. Yes, P’Tar and I fucked, fast and hard. We agreed just one time and then we’d just be friends and bl partners. It’s dangerous to be more in this business because if you break up, it can totally screw up your ship—something you’ve worked hard on and that is one of the most important relationships in your life. I hope that helps you. And please don’t tell anyone. We like to keep everyone guessing. (winking emoji)
Ironfistfunnelcake: I won’t tell. And yes. It helped. Thanks, P’.
I crawl into bed and grab Fuzzy. “What is this feeling?” I whisper in his ear, which is worn and faded from years of rubbing as I tried to find sleep.
If he could answer, what would he say? As my eyes grow heavy and sleep drags me under, I imagine his reply.
You already know, Mee Noi. Don’t be naïve.
Chapter Eighteen: Sud
Two days later, Noi and I are called in to film the first part of the love scene that will go in the trailer. Although P’Arm filmed us then, it’s nothing like having two cameramen and the sound guy hovering only feet away from us, like they are this time. Noi and I have to kiss each other with themright there. A few times we are forced to readjust the way we’re positioned so one of our arms or hands or noses, or even a chunk of our hair, won’t block the shot. The upside is we don’t have time to be embarrassed because we are too busy trying to stay in character while not straying out of frame.
The scriptwriter added a part where, when Train pushes Sound onto the bed, he rips Sound’s shirt open. We have to film that part three times, using a new shirt for each take. I can see the worry in Noi’s eyes about going through so many shirts, and the director, P’Tee, must have noticed too because he tells Noi not to worry about it, that it’s expected, and someone will justsew the buttons on again. They’re sewn on loosely anyway, for easy ripping.
The tension in the room is thick, but I do my best to appear relaxed, hoping Noi will relax, too.
When Noi, as Train, kisses his way up my chest—I mean Sound’s chest—it feels different somehow. More intimate than when we rehearsed it. Noi’s actions are more sultry, flirtatious. Maybe P’Arm discussed this with him before we started.
The kisses feel different, too. I’m left with an odd, unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach that lasts for days.
The filming of this scene signaled a break in work for us until after final exams.
In the following weeks, Noi and I are so busy studying that we don’t see each other much, and I think maybe that’s for the best. I miss him, but I can’t get how I felt when we filmed the bedroom scene for the trailer out of my mind. Noi’s my best friend. It’s not like I’ve never had tender feelings for him before, but accompanied with passionate kisses, it felt like so much more. This isn’t the jealousy I explained away with Koman’s help, this is genuine feelings that I’ve never experienced with Noi before.
And that’s just weird because…come on! I like girls. I’ve always liked girls. They’re pretty and soft and smell good, and I get hard touching them. Sure, Noi’s eyes are shiny and his lashes are long and dark, and his lips against mine have a pretty shape and feel just like a girl’s. And he’s always smelled good to me.
But Noi isnota girl.
At least I haven’t gotten hard during our scenes. That makes me feel a little better.
So, I’m okay with being away from Noi for a while, but when my math exam approaches, I need him to tutor me, and I can’t deny that being with him again feels awesome.