A beat of silence. “So, you aren’t out drinking in just your pants with a bunch of strange bikers?” He sounds so relievedthat I can’t help but smile. I’m careful not to let it into my voice, though. Any minute now, the relief will wear off and he’s going to be angry.
“No, P. It was a joke.”
“What the hell, Noi? That wasn’t funny. You scared me!”
“I know. I’m sorry, P.”
“I was really worried!”
“I’m sorry, P. Don’t be mad at me.”
“I thought someone had drugged you.”
Drugged me?“What? Why did you think that?”
“Because things like that happen, Noi. You have to be very careful who you trust to bring you a drink. I couldn’t imagine you sitting there getting drunk when you normally don’t like to drink, so when you started texting weird, I was afraid someone put something in your drink. Maybe one of thebikersat thebiker barwhere you lost your shirt.”
Ashamed, I hang my head. Trying to put every ounce of regret into my voice, I say, “I’m sorry, P. I won’t play that kind of joke on you again.”
I kind of expect him to tell me to fuck off, but he just sighs and says, “Take care of yourself. I worry about you.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Goodnight, P. Have a good time.”
When I crawl back into bed a few moments later, I feel like the worst friend in the world. Sud has always looked after me, even though we’re only nine months apart in age. As far as I know, he never complained when his mom brought me home and announced I would be living with them.
Mae worked as a housekeeper in my parents’ house, and when she saw how much they neglected me—always going on trips and leaving me with random people—she offered to watch me at her house, telling them she had a little boy my age who would love a playmate. She didn’t ask for money, but my parents paid for my needs. They traveled to Paris and Rome and Seoul—trips that became longer and longer every time until I rarely ever saw them, but I didn’t care. I looked forward to the times I stayed with Sud and his family and was perfectly happy when it transitioned to full-time.
Sud’s mom and dad are more parents to me than mine ever were. Sud’s always been there for me, and how do I repay him? By refusing to live with him at university, secretly blaming him for being more independent than I am, scoffing at his attempts to keep me safe and, now, playing a mean joke on him and making him worry. And he didn’t even yell at me for it.
Since I’m nowhere close to sleeping, I lie in the dark thinking about why I’m like this, and all I can come up with is that I feel like I’ve been a burden and want to stand on my own.
Over the years, any time I got sick, I tried to hide it until I absolutely couldn’t anymore, which usually made my illnesses much worse than they might have been had they been caught early. I nearly died the last time I had Dengue fever, and ever since then, Sud makes sure I don’t go anywhere without insect repellent. Maybe that’s why Sud feels he has to watch over me so much—because I obviously don’t do a very good job of it myself. He didn’t understand why I wouldn’t live in the apartment with him when we got to the university. I didn’t know how to explain that I needed to prove to myself I could stand on my own.
Miserable at having treated someone so important to me like crap, I close my eyes and let the tears fall, wishing I was in Hua Hin with Sud.
Chapter Eight: Sud
I’m drinking at an open beach bar with Bekki, her boyfriend Asher, Koman, and a few others when Noi texts me, asking what I’m doing. He’s on a field trip to Nakhon Pathom with the horticulture club, or he’d be with me in Hua Hin. As we text back and forth, I become alarmed when he says he’s at a bar. Noi hates crowds, and he’s not big on drinking. But maybe Bua talked him into it, or the whole group suggested going, and he felt like he had to go, too.
When Noi texts that he’s there drinking with some of the university students and something about bikers, I start freaking out.
“I’m sure he’s fine,” Bekki says when I tell them about it during a lapse in texts from Noi. “He’s there with friends.”
But when Noi’s next text comes through, a bolt of fear runs through me. He’s not typing correctly, like he’s either drunk or drugged.
When he says he lost his shirt, I jump up from the table. “I’m renting a car and driving there.”
“Come on, mung, call someone who’s there with him before you do that. Do you have his friend’s number?” Koman asks.
I do, but when I go to pull it up, my phone’s dead.
“Here.” Koman passes his phone to me. I try texting Bua first, but when ten minutes go by without hearing from her, I pull up her number and call her.
When she answers, she sounds like I woke her up.
“Aren’t you with Noi?” I ask.
“I was, but now I’m in bed.”