At the sound of her name, Melody looked up from her drawing, questions dancing in her little eyes. She took the opportunity to shove her drawing at me, apparently expecting me to recognize what it was supposed to be. The image was a mess of colorful squiggles, but there were a couple of round shapes that kind of looked like some sort of animals.
Luckily, Melody didn’t get upset when I didn’t immediately guess what the image was, and instead, excitedly pointed out each figure in her drawing. It was apparently a picture of me having a tea party with her stuffed animals. Since I was staying in her room at Auggie’s place, this was what she imagined I did with her toys when she wasn’t there, and I didn’t have the heart to correct her.
In her excitement, Melody knocked one of her crayons off the table, but Chantal managed to catch it before it hit the floor. Thecrayons were rearranged so they wouldn’t roll away again, and Melody was encouraged to return to her drawing.
Only once the girl was settled and distracted with her artwork again did Chantal turn back to me, her voice a little quieter this time. “Like I said, Melody likes you. But it’s because Melody likes you that I need to know what your intentions are. I can’t have her getting attached to you if you’re just going to disappear on her.”
A gentle breeze blew past our outdoor table, and a lock of my wig drifted in front of my face. The long strands caught on my open mouth, but I hardly noticed as I stared at Chantal completely bewildered.
“My… my intentions? With Auggie?”
“Yes.” She raised her drink to her lips again, only to realize at the last moment that it was already empty and set it down again. “His feelings about you are pretty clear, but I’m still not sure about you. I understand that it’s awkward, since you’re reliant on him right now and that can complicate things, but I can’t afford to just make assumptions. I need to hear it from you directly.”
I probably should have been upset that she was basically accusing me of taking advantage of Auggie, but I could not even begin to think about that when I was still hung up on the first part of her statement.
“His feelings about me are clear?”
Chantal snorted, though she somehow managed to make even that sound seem elegant.
“What? You mean you seriously don’t know? I figured you two were already…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “None of my business. But, look, Auggie has a soft spot in his heart for charity. Something about his years in service has left him with this need to help as many people as possible. With that said, he’s also not an idiot. He’s got enough self-preservation not to bring just any random person into his home. I think that’s a pretty clear sign that you’re special to him.”
Special to him.
I was special to Auggie.
If Chantal was to be believed, and I had no reason not to, then maybe I was worrying about the wrong thing. I’d spent the whole day wondering if I’d overstepped by forcing my way into Auggie’s bed. It had never occurred to me that maybe I wasn’t just tolerated, but actually wanted there.
“I… I…”
Chantal was still waiting for an answer, but I had no idea what to say. She wanted to know my intentions. That was funny because I wanted to know the answer as well.
What did I intend to do with this information?
For the first time, it felt like the power was in my hand. I could choose to stay, or I could choose to walk away.
There was no doubt in my mind that Auggie would accept either choice, but what did I want?
For so long, I’d struggled just to try and meet my basic needs. Wants had never been important enough to worry about before.
A warm palm gripped the back of my hand, and I realized I’d been gripping the edge of the table so hard that my fingers were trembling.
“It’s okay if you don’t have an answer right now,” Chantal said as she squeezed my hand. “The fact that you’re giving it such serious thought is all I need to know. But try not to leave Auggie hanging in suspense too long. The man is patient, but he’s also got a bad habit of taking on too much responsibility. If you hesitate too long, he’s going to blame himself and assume he’s done something wrong.”
She reached for her cup again, this time not even bringing it to her lips before remembering it was empty and grumbling under her breath.
I pushed my mostly full drink toward her. “Here. You can have it. I’ve barely touched it, but I’m not in the mood for coffee anymore.”
Our conversation had left me jittery enough. The addition of caffeine would probably send me into cardiac arrest, and I’d already spent enough time in the hospital.
Chantal looked tempted by my drink, she even raised her hand toward it for a moment, but at the last second, she changed her mind and shook her head.
“No. In my condition, I can’t have too much caffeine anymore.”
The hand that had almost picked up the cup instead, pressed flat against her own stomach. Something about that gesture caught my attention. It was so deliberate, there was clearly a lot of meaning behind it. I had an unsettled feeling that I was supposed to know what that gesture meant, but nothing immediately sprang to mind.
My stare didn’t go unnoticed. Chantal immediately realized what had caught my attention and quickly removed her hand from her stomach like her own body had burned her.
“Ha. Guess I’m not very good at hiding it.”