With heavy steps, I made it to the bus just in time. I sat upstairs and gazed out of the window, the streetlights bright, illuminating the rain falling steadily.
Julie would be proud of me. I’d stepped out of my comfort zone, and not only had I left the house several times, not just for work, I’d made friends with Killian, a man she knew I found attractive. Not only had I controlled any urges I’d had, I’d even considered taking things further with him. Although the hug he’d just given me left me with some doubts.
Maybe that was for the best, but I’d welcome him into my home as a friend.
Killian arrived the next day, right on time at eleven. He looked fucking amazing, and I was seriously rethinking my decision to keep him as a friend.
“I can’t wait to taste more of your cooking. What are we having today?” He placed his bag by the door and kicked off his boots.
“I guessed we wouldn’t be eating later, so I’ve cooked a chilli. I hope that’s okay.” I handed him a coffee, black, no sugar.
“Thanks, and as Sully would say, fantastic. I love a good chilli. Anything I can do?”
“Nope, it’s all ready this time, or it will be in a couple of hours. It’s in the slow cooker. Do you want to sit down or look at my art?”
“Art, definitely.”
“It’s this way.”
I led him upstairs and, not for the first time, my mind went back to Saturday night.
We’d stood right here at the top of the stairs, and he’d come so hard his legs had buckled. I’d never seen anything like it, naïve as I was in the ways of intimacy.
I glanced over to him, gauging his reaction. He hesitated as he walked past the bookcase, then followed me into my art room.
It was bigger than the spare room, with a big drawing board by the window. I preferred natural light to draw. I sat by the board and picked up a pencil.
“This is… breathtaking, Harv. How long have you been able to draw like this?”
I shrugged. “I always drew as a kid. After Patrick left, I shut myself in my room and doodled for hours. There are books around here somewhere with my old drawings. Mum would never throw anything away, and after she died, I couldn’t face clearing everything out.”
“I’d love to see them. You should dig them out.”
“They were shite drawings. I mean, I’m not great now.”
“What? These images are better than anything I’ve seen in ages.”
He looked at the pictures stuck to the wall. Some I had on my body, others I hadn’t decided on yet.
“This dragon is fucking incredible, Harv. Is this your next tattoo?”
“I think so, but it’ll be a lot of hours in the chair. This is only the outline; I’ll need to colour it in, do some more shading.”
“Where will it go?”
“I’ve got a lot of tattoos, but I have a space here.” I rubbed the left side of my chest. “It’ll fit right here. I might have the taillooping over my shoulder and down my back. I have a tree there, so I might ask Rafi to intertwine it.”
“You’ve got this all figured out. Would you mind if I looked? I know you didn’t want me to before, but you showed me your arm.”
“My back’s not too bad. I could never reach it, so there’s not so many scars.” I pulled my shirt over my head, and for the first time, I exposed my body.
“Fuck me. These tattoos are unbelievable.”
I shivered as he traced the image with his fingertips. He deviated from the tattoo and ran his hand down my arm, stroking the scars.
“Killian…” I warned.
“I won’t hurt you. I’m sorry you had to do this. If I’d known you then, I wouldn’t have given you a chance to do this to yourself.”