“It was one of the things I remembered about you. Especially the first night I saw you. I was totally attracted to you. I’m not sure if you noticed, but then, I didn’t have the words to say what I wanted. I was so closed off.”
“I remember,” I whispered.
“But you got me out of my shell. Got me to do things I’d have never done.”
And look where that had got us.
“I want you to know that I tried. I tried to be better for us.” His voice broke. How long had he wanted to say those words?
I put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. I understood.
“I had it under control, thought it’d all be okay if I went with it, that I’d somehow be miraculously cured. It was never you. Iwant you to know that. You did all the right things; it was me who couldn’t handle it.”
“You should have talked.”
“And you should be quiet. Let’s get the rest of these clothes off. We can talk more tomorrow. Or, I can. You need to save your voice and get better. Do you have a doctor? I’m sure there’s one around here you could visit if it doesn’t get any better.”
The Harvey I remembered didn’t talk this much, but I liked that he did. I’d always imagined things would be forced if we met again, that I wouldn’t be able to forgive him for what he’d done, but he’d changed for the better.
Right then, he was the friend I needed. The roles had been reversed. He had a friend, and I had none. How could I be so alone in a world full of people?
I’d pulled back after Harvey left, unwilling to put myself back out there. The hurt he’d caused hit hard, and if it hadn’t been for Duncan sticking by me and keeping me going, I don’t think I’d have made it this far.
By now, I was down to my underwear.
“Someone’s doing well for themselves.” Harvey chuckled and pinged the waistband of my designer briefs. “Last time I saw you like this, I think you were wearing M&S best.”
I hooked my fingers into the elastic and slid them down my thighs, revealing all of me to him.
It was nothing he hadn’t seen before, but he turned away. “I’ll leave you to the rest. Let me know if you need me.”
And with that, he was gone.
I’d never been ashamed of my body, but I regretted my decision. I’d pushed him to see his reaction, and he’d left.
I showered quickly and washed my hair, grateful for the rail attached to the wall. Dizziness still left me feeling all at sea, like I was floating, and fuck, it was disconcerting.
I wrapped a towel around my waist and rubbed my hair. The motion left me feeling nauseous. I stumbled into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed.
“Do you need a hand, or are you okay?”
I put both thumbs up, too tired now to talk.
“I have some painkillers. I’ll bring those up with a cold drink. Take them.”
I didn’t hear him come back in, but during the night I woke up under the covers. I fumbled around on the nightstand, finally finding the tablets. With difficulty, I swallowed them down, falling straight back to sleep.
“Killian. I’ve brought you some coffee.”
I woke with a start. Where was I? What happened?
I squinted at the person standing in front of me.
“Harvey?”
“Yeah, it’s me. You’ve been out for like fourteen hours. I brought you a drink up.”
“Fuck.” I rubbed at my throat, thankful it didn’t feel as bad as yesterday.