"What do you think about?"
"Books, mostly." I move to stand beside him. Our shoulders almost touch. "And recently, a barista who leaves me notes with smiley faces."
He ducks his head. "That was stupid."
"It was perfect. I still have it."
"I know. You use it as a bookmark. Along with every other note I've given you."
"You noticed that."
"I notice everything about you." He says it quietly, like a confession, then seems to hear himself and goes red. "That came out —"
"I notice everything about you too."
He looks at me. The city lights below turn his eyes into something extraordinary, dark and bright at the same time, reflecting light the way the lake does. In this light, the careful blankness is gone. He's just himself. Twenty-one and shivering and looking at me like I'm a book he's afraid to open because what if it ends badly.
"I don't drink," he says suddenly. "I mean, I can, I just... don't. Those drinks at the bar, people kept buying them and Ididn't know how to say no and Tyler disappeared and I just sat there feeling stupid —"
"Dev."
He stops.
"You don't have to explain. You don't have to drink if you don't want to. You don't have to go to bars if you don't want to."
"Tyler says I need to be more normal."
"Normal's overrated."
"Easy for you to say. You're..." He gestures vaguely at me.
"I'm what?"
"Gorgeous. Confident. You have your life together."
"I'm thirty-two and I spend most of my time reading fantasy novels and avoiding people."
"But by choice. Not because you don't know how to be a person."
I turn to look at him fully. "You know how to be a person. You're just not interested in being the kind of person Tyler thinks you should be."
"Maybe."
"Definitely. The person who recommends books and makes perfect coffee and reads for hours and falls asleep in library chairs because it's the one place he feels safe enough —" I stop. Too much. I saw too much on Wednesday and now it's leaking out.
But Devin doesn't flinch. "You knew I fell asleep."
"You said a few minutes."
"It was a few minutes."
"It was twenty-two." No point lying about it now. "And I'm glad you felt safe enough."
He's quiet for a long moment. The wind comes off the lake, cold and clean.
"Does the age thing bother you?" he asks. "That's why you left today. After Tyler —"
"I don't want to be the creepy older guy."