I took the headdress from Gwenyth and gingerly placed it back in its box. “On our first night at Valistowe, I’ll straighten the blades and deliver one to Alaric.” He’d insisted on being Gwenyth’s backup, and I wanted him to be armed should we all have to leave Valistowe suddenly.
When I delivered the knife to Alaric, he would give me some of the tools I needed for my incantations. Should climbing the wall be an option to reach the wizards’ rooms, he’d provide me with one of his tunics and a pair of breeches as well. I would see little else of Alaric during the mission. Highborn ladies didn’t speak with their groomsmen.
“Most likely Alaric won’t need a dagger,” Gwenyth said, either to reassure me or to boast. “I’m more than capable of doing the job by myself.” She picked up the headdress I was to wear today, a blue bourrelet made to match my gown. Instead of placing it on my head, she squinted at my hair. “I think your left plait is a little lower than the right. Sit down and I’ll redo it.”
“It’s fine.” I took the bourrelet from her and put it on. “I want to walk the grounds.”
“Now? When we’re nearly set to leave?”
“I have to sit in a cramped carriage all day. I’ll fare better if I stretch my legs first.” I headed toward the door without inviting her to join me. Privacy was another thing I would be short of today.
Lady Edith said I had a restless spirit which wasn’t becoming of the highborn. A proper lady took enjoyment in sedentary arts such as embroidery, knitting, lace-making, and music. I’d little patience for most of those things.
“You’d best be fast,” Gwenyth called after me, “or you’ll miss breakfast.”
I hadn’t much of an appetite. I craved the rustling of leaves more.
I wandered outside, past rows of herbs, and through the orchard. The rose gardens at the far end of the property had grown into a thorny jumble and the hedges were wild with neglect. It was a messy, rambling place that I loved. This morning, I couldn’t help but wonder if I would ever see it again.
Stealing objects for the renegades had its risks, but what I stole was sold to buy the freedom of others. Thoughts of mothers and fathers, with children held tight in their arms, had made my trips shimmying up castle walls feel like a noble endeavor. I wanted this excursion to feel the same way, but an assassination, well, just didn’t.
I must’ve spent too long rambling around because Alaric came to fetch me.
He appeared in the hedgerow in front of me, holding my cloak draped over one arm. His gaze slid over me, taking in my new blue gown and bourrelet. “You’ll have a hard time at court doing anything in secret. The eyes of every man will be on you.”
I nodded at him with the practiced poise of a highborn lady. “An exaggeration, but a charming one.”
“Not as much of an exaggeration as you suppose. Although if you want a swain who seeks only to praise you, I can play that part as well.”
“You play many parts. What’s one more?”
Alaric flirted at times, but nothing ever came of his words, which was fine with me. Mage Wolfson had not taught Ronan alone that love came with dangerous liabilities.
Alaric handed me my cloak. His eyes traveled over me again, and he clucked his tongue. “I pity the noblemen already. Their attempts to capture your attention will be sadly ill-received.”
“Perhaps not.” I draped the cloak over my shoulders. “Maybe my plans will go so flawlessly, I’ll have time to catch a husband before I depose the monarch.”
He cocked his head, one eyebrow raised. “You’ve always said you wanted no husband.”
I had said that on more than one occasion. A friend of Alaric’s showed interest in me once, and I’d refused him outright, declaring I would never marry.
“Have you changed your mind?” He looked at me solemnly, the teasing in his brown eyes gone.
Perhaps our uncertain future loosened my tongue, or perhaps I felt Alaric deserved more of an explanation. “I can’t marry.” I shrugged as though such a statement didn’t matter. “If I married, my husband would discover I have magic. He might kill me for that sort of deception.” A wedding night would reveal my mark.
“Or your husband might rejoice,” Alaric pointed out.
Or use me for my magic the way the renegades were, the way Alaric was. Not for the first time, it irked me that I couldn’t know what he would’ve thought of me if I hadn’t been so very useful to his cause.
I headed toward the courtyard and the carriage waiting there.
Alaric reached out and grasped my hand, halting me. His voice went soft. “I realize you have magic. I would never kill you.”
I restrained the urge to pull my hand away. I didn’t want him standing this close and gazing at me with such affection.
“Yes,” I kept my tone light, “but you would make a horrible husband as you may not live through the end of the month.”
“I’ve managed to stay alive twenty-four years without incident.”