As we walked to the lifts, Nick was seething, I could tell.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ I asked as he jabbed theCall Liftbutton so hard I thought he might be about to break it.
‘Talk about what?’
‘You seem angry.’
That was an understatement, but I thought I’d better be subtle about it given the mood he was in.
‘I’m frustrated, Maddie. There’s a difference.’
The lift still was not coming.
‘Frustrated about Sophia?’ I prompted.
Nick groaned. ‘No. Not just Sophia.’
The lift doors finally opened and we stepped inside.
‘Come on, then,’ I said, as the doors closed behind us. ‘What’s frustrating you so much?’
Nick couldn’t seem to look at me.
‘This wasn’t how I thought it would be, that’s all,’ he said quietly. ‘You meeting my family. I didn’t think it would be so …’
‘Difficult?’ I suggested. ‘Explosive?’
He nodded tersely.
‘They’re not as awful as you seem to think, Maddie,’ he said. ‘And what you need to remember is that these are the people I love most in the world.’
‘Of course I know that.’
‘Then why can’t you try a bit harder?’
I watched his facial expression carefully.
‘Are you annoyed that we keep clashing? Over almost everything?’ I asked.
I wanted him to be honest with me. Brutally, if necessary.
He sighed. ‘I feel like …’
‘Go on.’
‘Like you’re all bringing out the worst in each other.’
I became aware of my chest rising and falling. Of feeling like I wanted to fight my corner and tell him a few home truths, but I thought I’d probably say things I’d regret and so I closed my eyes for a second or two, trying to stay calm. It felt like a kick in the teeth, because I’d been kidding myself that I was the most important person in his life, but it didn’tseem that way anymore. I felt this panic, suddenly, engulfing me out of nowhere. My whole life mapped out in front of me, a life where I had to stifle my true self, where I felt less-than, just as I had when I was growing up. Was this my destiny, then, to replace my disinterested parents with somebody else’s utterly disinterested parents?
‘So what you’re saying is, I need to get on better with them otherwise maybe it’s not going to work between us?’ I asked, making sure I hadn’t got it wrong; skewed it in my mind.
Nick didn’t say anything at first.
We reached our floor and the lift doors opened with a ping. Nick got out first, leaving me to follow a few steps behind.
‘Is that what you’re saying or not?’ I called after him.
I supposed he could say I was goading him, but who wouldn’t, at a moment like this? I needed to know exactly what he was thinking, I deserved to know that.