He couldn’t be serious?
I looked straight at him. ‘Oh, really? What aboutI’ve never felt like this about anyone in my entire life? OrI know it’s early days, but I literally can’t imagine my future without you?’
It hurt to say it out loud, even after all this time. And it was also slightly mortifying that I’d recounted it word for word. It was like his declarations were etched in my brain, no matter how hard I’d tried to forget about them.
‘I meant all of that,’ he said.
‘You didn’t,’ I replied, turning away from him. ‘You couldn’t have done.’
I might have guessed he’d try to deny everything.
We stood in silence for a moment or two. I wondered why I’d come, what I’d been hoping for; whether I should just leave.
‘You’re actually planning to marry that guy, Nick, then?’ said Aidan.
‘Yes. I am. And I’ve got no idea why you just said it like that.’
I allowed myself a quick sideways glance at him. From this angle, I could see his lashes, long and dark. I used to run the pad of my thumb over them sometimes.
‘How long have you been together?’ he asked.
I sighed. Why did he care about all of this? ‘Two years.’
‘Two years,’ said Aidan, looking thoughtful as though he was mulling it over; working something out. ‘I bet he’s the romantic type. I bet he buys you huge bouquets of flowers,’ he remarked, his eyes fixed on the Ponte Vecchio. ‘Doesn’t he?’
What was he talking about? I mean, Nick did buy me embarrassingly large bunches of flowers that probably cost more than a week’s rent in the studio apartment I had been living in when we’d first met, but what did it matter to Aidan?
‘Whether Nick buys me flowers or not is completely irrelevant,’ I snapped. ‘Nick shows up. Nick wants to spend the rest of his life with me and he doesn’t just say it, he actually means it. So can you please just get to the point of us being here? You said you wanted to talk.’
Aidan leaned on the bridge, resting his stomach on the stone slabs. For a second, I remembered the abs he used to have (and probably still did have, looking at him), how well-defined they were, how I’d run my fingers over them when we were lying in bed together, or on the sofa, or in the park.
‘It was never my intention to hurt you,’ he said. ‘Just so we’re clear. In fact, when I was with you, I was the happiest I’d ever been.’
Did he think I was born yesterday?
‘Tell me what happened,’ I said, my voice sounding strained.
Aidan cleared his throat. He seemed to be struggling toput things into words. Good, I thought. Itshouldbe difficult for him.
‘That deep connection we had? I felt it too, and I’ve never felt it with anyone else since,’ he said.
There was a ‘but’ coming, wasn’t there, there had to be? He’d probably met someone else. I could handle that, I’d already imagined that a thousand times over. Or he found me acutely annoying in the end? That’s what I’d assumed.
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. For God’s sake!
I tried again. ‘So why didn’t you meet me, that night in my office? You sent me one text and then nothing. My calls went straight to voicemail, my texts went unanswered. You ghosted me, basically, and I’ve still got no idea what I did wrong.’
‘You didn’t do anything wrong, Maddie,’ said Aidan, his voice cracking.
I swallowed hard. This was harder than I thought it would be. It was bringing it all back. The shock, the disbelief. The embarrassment. I’d told everybody. Everybody! About this wonderful man I’d met who actually seemed to like me, was falling in love with me, even. And then, with no explanation, he was gone.
St Albans
Two Years Earlier
‘This looks nice,’ I said as my mum laid a plate of crispy roast potatoes – the pièce de résistance and her signature dish – in the middle of the table.
‘Mum! I asked you not to make roast potatoes,’ moaned my half-sister, Amelia.