‘You like more?’ offered Maurizio, who I could tell was a generous soul.
‘Oh yes,’ said Nick.
I took a sip of mine. The effects of the previous wine tasting were wearing off and I thought I could just about drink more. Plus Maurizio’s wines sounded delicious.
‘Mmmn,’ I said, enjoying the full-bodied red. ‘Is this the Shiraz?’
‘That is correct,’ smiled Maurizio.
‘I see we’re rubbing off on you, Maddie,’ remarked Rosamund. ‘You’ll be a wine expert at this rate.’
An amused Aidan caught my eye. Briefly, but at least we could look at each other, now. I wondered whether we’d ever have an actual conversation about what had happened between us. Whether I’d want to. When and where it would happen, given the situation with Nick and his family. If my primary aim was to make a good impression on them, sneaking off to meet another man behind their backs was hardly going to do me any favours.
‘So how do you guys all know each other?’ asked Aidan. ‘You’re all family?’
Nick nodded, wiping wine from his lips with the back of his hand.
‘This is my fiancée, Maddie,’ he said, patting my knee.
‘Your fiancée?’ said Aidan, raising his eyebrows.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at him for long enough to work out whether he cared, instead beaming inanely at Nick in a desperate attempt to look happy about the fact our engagement was the topic of possibly the most awkward conversation ever.
‘Congratulations,’ said Aidan quietly.
This time I looked at him; this time he caught my eye.
‘And this is my mother and father, Rosamund and Peter,’ went on Nick, who was oblivious to the shifting dynamics around the table. Obviously it was just me with the leaden feeling in my stomach; I felt so hot, suddenly, that I had to fan myself frantically with a wine menu.
‘And then there’s my daughter, Daisy and my, um … Daisy’s mother. Sophia.’
Aidan looked confused. ‘You’ve brought your ex and your new fiancée on the same trip?’
He was never one to hold back … Except when it mattered.
Rosamund and Sophia guffawed loudly, as though thiswas the funniest thing in the world. Except it wasn’t, for me, and it felt insensitive of them to minimise it like that. I was sick of people not taking my feelings seriously, as though I was some silly woman with ridiculous ideas. Lots of people did it and I just let them, which I was also sick of – the fact that I put up with it. It was fine to be hurt by stuff other people did, and fine to call them out on it – and it wasn’t fine that most of the time they took absolutely no responsibility for it. Not that Aidan’s opinion mattered to me, particularly, but there was some comfort in knowing it wasn’t just me who thought this whole situation was weird.
‘We all get along surprisingly well, don’t we?’ said Nick jovially.
‘Absolutely,’ gushed Sophia. ‘We’re like one, big extended family.’
‘Well, to be fair, I didn’t know Sophia was going to be here,’ I said.
It was out of my mouth before I’d worked out how to word it less abrasively or, more usefully, refrain from saying anything at all.
Everyone stared at me in shock. Nick squirmed.
‘I’m sure I told you,’ said Nick, trying to laugh it off.
‘You didn’t,’ I replied. ‘But anyway. We’re here now, aren’t we?’
Nick seemed stunned into silence. He wasn’t used to me speaking up for myself and especially not on this trip – so far, it felt as though I’d lost my voice completely. I thought I was coming across as very quiet, very shy, not particularly dynamic. It was a side of myself I fell back into very easily – I’d sort of taxi along unseen, in the same way I’d done when my parents had split up and my whole world went a bit haywire. I’d decided pretty early on that the best thing, when I went to visit either Mum or Dad and their newpartners and my half-siblings, was to not draw attention to myself. To not stand out, to be a nice, easy person, to not cause a fuss about anything. In case they decided they didn’t want me around anymore because now they had these shiny new families to love instead. And I sort of dulled down my personality, I supposed, and blended into the background, going along with what everyone else wanted. In the end, it became second nature. I mean, just look at my job for starters: I was good at it, and yet I was being overlooked for promotion and Tim treated me like an intern. I thought briefly of the research I’d been doing on how to create my own travel content business: a website, reviews, videos of places I’d been, hotels I recommended. I’d got a bit carried away at the time, imagining sponsorship and partnerships with hotel chains and YouTube channels. I thought I had all the skills I’d need, but in order to do it properly, I’d have to leave Holiday Shop. Which felt terrifying, of course, even though I’d saved enough to cover six months’ salary already. It was something I needed to speak to Nick about, I supposed. Not that what I earned really had an effect on his huge salary, but the prospect of leaving my job felt like the kind of thing I should be sharing with my husband-to-be.
An oblivious Maurizio was still talking passionately about his wine. ‘A Shiraz must ferment in the barrel for one year. It is a violet colour. It has high flavour and high spice. You can taste black pepper?’
I nodded, taking another mouthful and remembering to hold it in my mouth for two seconds before swallowing, like they’d told us at the other winery – two for red, five for white.
I could feel Nick’s eyes boring into me, but I didn’t feel like explaining why I’d said what I had. I was already on the defensive, presuming that conflict – the very thing I went togreat lengths to avoid – was about to ensue. And if Aidan thought he could worm his way back into my mind by doing nice things like drawing bananas on his tasting notes, he had another thing coming. I hated him, I reminded myself, and unless he had a very, very good excuse as to why he’d been AWOL for the last two years, it would likely be staying that way.