When we got to my place, a tiny bit of that happiness vanished when someone yelled my name just as we made it to the front door of the building.
“Jiselle!”
All three of us froze and Stone and Kiano both automatically stepped in front of me.
It took a second for me to realize it was Rene and I exhaled as my fight or flight mellowed. I set a hand on each of their shoulders.
“Is it okay if I say I’ve got it now?”
“Do you?” Kiano asked seriously.
“Yeah. Rene isn’t going to do anything crazy to me. We may just argue or whatever, but I’ll be fine.”
“Alright. Well, call us when he leaves, alright?”
“Yeah. Alright.” I forced a smile as my brother closed in on us. “What’s up?”
“What’s up?” He looked between the three of us. “I was hoping I could talk to you.”
“Yeah. Come on.” I nudged my head toward the entrance and pretended I didn’t notice how both Kiano and Stone looked him up and down.
I let Rene inside and my eyes automatically went to where the camera had been. I tossed my bag onto the couch and stretched.
I grabbed a can of soda, popped it open, and set it on the counter to grab a glass and straw.
“Are you just going to stand there and stare at me all day?” I asked dryly.
He exhaled. “Look, I’m not here to argue with you.”
“Okay. So what do you want to talk about, Rene? Seriously?”
“Look, you’re my baby sister and I love you. You know that. I mean, after Mom left and Dad checked out, I looked out for you. Not because I had to but because I love you and wanted you to be safe and happy and feel loved. I think I did an alright job… right?”
“Yeah.” I shifted on my feet. “You did an alright job.”
“Well, imagine my surprise when all of a sudden friends of mine I went to school with are sending me your nudes, Jiselle. Come on. Put yourself in my shoes, alright? I flipped out. Should I have? No, but it was a natural reaction.”
“I’m an adult, Rene.”
“I know. I know. You’re a grown woman and can do what you want but I don’t know. Part of it was me being mad at you because I still see you as my kid sister and didn’t know howyou could… why you could…” He paused and didn’t finish his sentence. He took a deep breath. “Look, seeing those pictures made me feel like I failed you.”
“What?”
“I think of myself as the person who’s supposed to look out for you and either you didn’t think you could come to me and tell me that you were struggling financially or you’re naked because you want to be. Then it turns into, did I not tell you that you were pretty enough when we were growing up? Did I not instill confidence in you? I mean, fuck.”
“I’m not struggling financially,” I offered. “I didn’t start doing cam work because I was broke and needed quick money. I mean, well, maybe I did at the beginning… but now I just like doing it, and yeah, it pays well but it’s also just fun. That doesn’t mean my confidence is low or that you failed. You didn’t fail, and no matter how I was raised, I’m grown now. I grew into my own person just like everyone does. My actions are a reflection of me, not you.”
“Yeah. That’s easier said than fucking felt.” He walked to my fridge, yanked it open, and grabbed a beer. “I don’t want you naked on the internet.”
“Well the internet is forever, so that ship sailed a long time ago.”
He exhaled and shook his head.
“How long have you been doing this shit?”
“A few years.”
“When do you plan on stopping?”