Before the divorce, before the drinking, she could always tell when I was lying. When I was up to no good, she could always see past all the bullshit.
“Ivyana.” It feels weird saying her full name out loud to anyone but her. I had always called her Ivy, but in a way, the woman I met and fell in love with wasn’t the same girl I knew back then.
Except, whenever I thought about calling her Ivyana, I always felt like I was somehow separating them. Like I was choosing to forget the girl I used to give a hard time, whose life I made miserable.
I felt like an asshole not acknowledging they were the same person, so I forced myself to continue to call her Ivy, even though I loved her full name.
“That’s a beautiful name.”
“She’s beautiful.” My voice comes to life with those words.
“What happened?”
“I fucked it up.” I laugh. Pulling my hat off, I rake my fingers through my hair, pulling on the strands before tugging my hat back on.
“Do you love her?”
The question takes me by surprise. My mind immediately goes back to that night, telling her how I felt about her, only to wake up to find her gone.
To be honest, I love her more than anything in this world. Even knowing that, I don’t blame her for leaving. She deserves far more than anything I could ever give her, even if I could somehow manage to convince her how sorry I am.
I’ve tried reaching out to her a few times in the past few weeks, but when the calls started getting sent to voice mail, I stopped.
She deserves to move on without me bothering her. It isn’t because I stopped caring or she isn’t worth fighting for. It is the exact opposite.
It doesn’t mean I haven’t kept up with how she is doing. I manage to prove to Kyla I’m not a complete scumbag, and she’s filled me in on how she’s been.
Despite finding the note on her bed, I knew better than to think what we felt between us was a joke. If anything, the only joke was either of us thinking we weren’t in this deeper than we tried to play it off to be.
“I do,” answering her earlier question.
“Then, I don’t care what you did, if you love her, she deserves for you to fight for her.”
Pulling up in front of Travis’s house, I put the car in park and look over at my mom.
“I don’t know if there are enough words in the English language that could prove to her how sorry I am.”
A small smile lines the curve of her lips as she reaches out, grabbing my hand. “Don’t tell her then, Brix. Show her.”
She opens the door, stepping out and shutting it behind her. She picks up the bag from the back of the truck as she comes around to my side. Leaning over, she folds her arms on the windowsill.
“I love the man you are, Brix. I think if you showed her more of him, she’d know the kind of person you truly are. She wouldn’t be able to help loving you back. Thank you for the ride.”
She ducks her head into the truck, kissing me on my cheek before pulling back, picking up her bag, and walking up the driveway.
Travis is standing at the door, holding it open for her as he waves me off. I feel bad for not staying longer, having to head over to Tysin’s house to meet up with the guys. We loaded up our stuff earlier today, so I could be there when my mom was released.
Flipping the song on my playlist, I lean forward, hitting the dial, turning up the music. Even with the music blaring trying to drown out my thoughts, the sound of my mom’s words plays over and over in my head.
Don’t tell her, Brix. Show her.
How would I even begin to prove to Ivy how much she means to me? How do you show someone you’ve hurt how important they are to you?
I may not have any idea, but I’m going to give it a try.
I only hope she’ll give me a chance.