Taking a breath, I squeeze his fingers and continue talking to him as if he can respond back. “What's his name?” I look back at the closed door. “I'll have to ask nurse Wendy on my way out. Maybe she'll have a way for me to contact him or know when he'll be here next.”
My head dips and tears stream down my face. “Why did you feel like you couldn't tell me? I just…we're brothers. I love and care about you. Surely you know that if you added me as an emergency contact.”
Lifting my face, I shift in my seat, pulling my hand from his. “He would have been able to be here for you sooner. He would have been able to check on your animals and your house. Did you not trust him enough to do all that? Or maybe you didn't think anything bad would ever happen to you.”
I push out a sigh. “If that's the case then that runs in the family. I don't know what would happen if I landed in this bed. I doubt anyone would be here for me. All I had was you.” My chest squeezes, eyes aching something fierce. “And I'm not sure I'll even have that anymore.” I suck in a breath, steadying the next ones that come out the best I can. “I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. I should have visited sooner.”
And with that I finally understand why he didn’t tell me about his secret husband. He was probably trying to figure out how to get to that point, gearing himself up to the point the same way I was when it came to visiting him.
It was more than that. What if this was the last way I ever got to see him? I didn’t want this as my last memory.
“You can't let it be.” I squeeze out more tears, setting my hand on his shoulder. “You can have this be my last memory of you. You have to wakeup. You have to open your eyes so I can scold you about not making me a best man. You just have to.”
Lowering my face, I lay my head on his chest and the sheet below me is practically soaked through by the time I leave. As I'm slowly walking back to the parking lot I think about how strong his heart beat was. He was always the strongest of us two so if anyone could pull through this it would be him. The nurse wasn't at the nurse's station anymore so I couldn't ask her about the man who found time to see my brother when I couldn't.
Why hasn't he stopped by the house? Will he? Has he driven by and decided to keep going?
I get in my car and scan the parking lot and freeze when I spot a familiar truck only a few rows away from me. My sneaky neighbor starts his engine when his eyes reach mine once he's completely gone, I drive after him. My fingers are tight on the steering wheel and I go from rage driving to my chest feeling lighter. My stomach flutters as it dawns on me. I only saw him because he wanted me to. He knew I needed him here today and that I needed to see that he meant what he said.
That he really would be everywhere I needed him.
When I got back home four days ago, he was gone and he hasn't returned home since. I keep looking out my window and whenever I'm tending to the animals but his truck still remains out of sight. Sheepfinder hasn't been online either. Some mysterious screen name keeps sending me money and it's enough for me to not have to do any extra videos.
I do them anyway. It's in hopes to bring him back and to want all my attention to himself. After he must have wanted that if he was willing tospend so much on the new phone he got me. It arrived yesterday and I haven’t opened the box yet. My videos and photos could be better quality but it doesn't matter to me anymore. I only care to give one person the best of me. But I need him to come back so that I can.
The post man waves at me, setting down a box on my porch. I wave back, tossing corn in the direction I want the sheep to follow. They all baa running to where the dry kernel is flying in the air. Lifting the front of my shirt, I wipe the sweat from my face and close the gate behind them. I turn on the electricity and check the voltage before running up to the house.
Mr. Wiggles is close on my heels and sniffs at the box before I can pick it up. He growls and tries to bite at it. Shooing at him, I head inside and he squeezes past me, wagging his tail as I use a pocket knife to tear open the top of the package.
There's no sender name and I'm met with at least eight layers of tissue when I fish out what's folded in the very bottom one. My stomach lurches, nose curling and I drop the bloody object to the floor. I take a step back, looking up at the ceiling and when my gaze returns to the floor, a bout of nausea hits me.
Covering my nose, I swallow the bile threatening to crawl up my stomach and pick the severed finger up from the floor before my dog can. He barks and I wrap it back in the tissue, tossing it in the box.
Why would someone send me that? First the cookies and now this? Was my brother hiding a bigger secret than his new husband? Was he involved in something sinister and the crash he went through was not really an accident?
So many different thoughts tangle together in my mind and drop the box on the table. The police should be the first people I contact but instead of doing the most logical thing a person can do in a situation like this, I get on Onlyfans and message my favorite subscriber.
Me:I need you, Sheep Finder. I need you. Please come back.
After minutes pass, I set the phone down and pace the room before sending him another message.
Me: Come back to me. Not as Sheep Finder but as the man next door.
Fifteen
Nicolas
My phone pings again and as hard as I try to ignore it, my efforts are unsuccessful. What if more cookies were left for him? What if…what if he ate them? I stayed away because I was a fucking coward. Too damn scared to see if after he saw me at the hospital if he would stay away on his own. I couldn't handle it. I wouldn't let him do it for long and I needed to stop myself from forcing something on him that I knew needed to be his choice.
I wanted him. There was no more questioning that. I fucking need him. I'm unable to eat and sleep. My last victim paid for all my lack of rest and my two different types of unsatisfied hunger. He paid big time. Did he deserve it? Yes. Did I need to make a huge ass fucking mess all over the restaurant he manages with a cooking torch and a a seven inch meat clever? Probably not. It was a terrible mess to clean up and one I do not wish to do again.
Picking up my phone, I pinch the bridge of my nose and open the Onlyfans app. My heart thuds in my chest and my grip tightens on my phone as I read the messages that has my eyes glued to the fucking screen.
Me: I need you, Sheep Finder. I need you. Please come back.
After minutes pass, I set the phone down and pace the room before sending him another message.
Me: Come back to me. Not as Sheep Finder but as the man next door.