“No, actually.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I thought he kind of looked familiar, that’s all. So I was wondering how you knew him.”
A jolt of electricity rushes through me.
“You know him?” I yank the sketchpad back out of my bag and thrust it towards him. Fuck feeling vulnerable; if Alessio knows who this is, I need to know.
He takes it and opens it back up to a random page. It doesn’t matter which one, all the drawings are roughly the same. He squints at it for a long minute and my heart thunders heavily against my rib cage.
“Well?”
He shakes his head. “Nah, it only looks a little like the guy I know. It’s probably just a coincidence.”
My shoulders sag. “Yeah. What are the odds?” I take it back and toss it onto the bed. I don’t really need to take it with me. I’ll be back here eventually anyway. “I think I’m good.”
“Okay, let’s get back to my place so I can shower the dried cum off my dick and get some sleep.”
Fuck, sleep sounds amazing. There’s something about Alessio knowing my secret—or most of it—that has me feeling more exhausted than usual. Maybe it’s because I’m finally relaxed and for the first time I can remember, it feels like there’s someone in my corner, like I don’t have to do all of this shit alone anymore.
I look over at him after we get back into the car and my heart swells again. When I woke up in that hospital seven years ago and didn’t know who I was, I found myself in my rage, I created a purpose through revenge, and that’s been enough. But Alessio makes me feel like I could be more than that, that I couldhavemore than that.
If anyone tries to take him from me, I’ll fucking kill them.
Chapter
Sixteen
GHOST
I don’t knowif I’ve ever slept that hard in my life. No dreams, no nightmares, no flashbacks or night sweats, just blissful sleep. The steady sound of Alessio’s breathing sets me strangely at ease before I’ve even opened my eyes, and I could write fucking sonnets about the way his silk sheets feel against my skin. A smile unexpectedly tugs at the corners of my lips. Is this what it feels like to wake up happy?
My heart stutters, but I try not to let the shadows lurking in the corners of my mind pull me under. I’m not naive. I know nothing stays perfect forever. If you can even call this perfect considering Alessio is worried that his boss might lose his shit or try to kill me, and I’m afraid to feel his hands on my skin. I think I like our fucked-up version of perfect though. Messy and uncertain feels more real.
But still, I’m aware that this could all fall apart. That it’slikelyto fall apart sooner or later. I want to see it through, though. I want to know if two fucked-up people can have a future together.
I’m getting ahead of myself. There’s no future until the Reapers are dealt with. Until then, all I have is the past, with its sharp claws dug so deep into my back that I can’t shake it loose no matter how hard I try. Iwanta future like I never have before though, and that’s something.
I lift my heavy eyelids and roll over to face Alessio. Even in his sleep, he left a foot of space between us on the bed so he wouldn’t accidentally touch me. My heartbeat stutters again, but in a way that feels light this time. He doesn’t want to hurt me… not even accidentally. I don’t know why that realization is only sinking in for the first time right now when he’s been nothing but the perfect, needy, obedient sub since the night I met him, but it is. And it makes it feel possible that eventually I could get past some of my shit and let him touch me.
Instead of recoiling or feeling nauseous at the thought of his fingers dancing over my skin, a warm feeling floods my belly. I watch his eyelids flutter in his sleep and I let myself imagine the two of us lying in bed completely naked, Alessio splayed on top of me, both of us sweaty from a good, hard fuck, as he uses his fingertips to trace the lines of my tattoos. Fuck, I want that. I want it as much as I want every last Sleepless Reaper dead.
I don’t know if he can feel me watching him like a total creep, but his eyelids flutter again and then ease open. His gaze is unfocused for a few seconds. He blinks a couple of times before a smile stretches slowly across his face.
“Morning,” he croaks.
“Morning.” I take a chance and scoot a few inches closer, leaving only half as much space between us.
Obviously, I wasn’t going to sleep in my leather gloves, jacket, or jeans, so I’m more naked right now than I’ve been around another person in seven years. I have on a T-shirt and a pair of boxer briefs, and after a quick shower last night, he came to bed in nothing but a pair of blue lace panties. He must be awarm sleeper, because he kicked the sheets off himself at some point during the night. All of his smooth skin and dark hair look so damn soft and tempting, begging for me to run my hands all over him, to feel the heat of his body without my gloves in the way.
There’s no reason I shouldn’t. I’ve never really been worried that putting my bare hands on someone would trigger me, it just felt like a safe barrier from the world and everyone in it. And maybe it didn’t feel fair to touch someone else if I wasn’t going to let them touch me. The way he’s looking longingly at my hand resting on the bed between us though, I don’t think he’s worried about what’s fair.
I reach out and run my index finger along his collarbone. His skin is even softer and warmer than I imagined. He shudders, and a quiet moan works its way through my throat. I inch a little bit closer and press my whole hand against his chest, feeling the tickle of his chest hair under my palm and the uptick of his heartbeat as it goes from a slow, sleepy pace to racing in a matter of seconds.
“Did you leave the plug in last night like I told you to?” I ask gruffly.
My cock is already stiff and aching to be buried inside one of his warm, tight holes. I had no idea that after seven years of not feeling another person’s body with my bare hands, the lightest touch would be better than any foreplay I’ve ever had. Or maybe it’s just because it’s Alessio I’m touching.
He nods. “Yes, Sir.”
Another moan builds in my throat, and I take an even bigger chance, throwing off the sheets and rolling on top of him. Now it’s not just my hand on his chest, but a dozen places where I can feel the warmth of his skin against mine. My bare thighs straddle his, our bellies are touching where my T-shirt is riding up, my feet are brushing against his calves…