“I think we’re done here.” He smooths out his suit and fixes his tie, then gathers the rest of his stuff and leaves without another word.
No one else dares to breathe or speak until he’s gone, and then I feel all eyes on me.
“Fuck,” I mutter.
Sal reaches over to pat my back reassuringly.
“He’s just in a mood. He’s so fucking weird about this Declan thing.”
I nod. “God, that was a bad joke. Someone needs to kick me under the table next time or put a fucking hand over my mouth before I say stupid shit like that.”
Elio laughs. “It would probably save us all time to just buy you a ball gag to wear at all times.” He swirls his drink, the ice cubes clinking in the glass. “Do you guys think…”
“Leave it alone,” Xav with that menacing air of finality I’ve never heard anyone else other than Lorenzo manage.
Elio shrugs. “I’m just saying, there’s always been a vibe between them, and he’s been pissy as hell since Declan disappeared.”
“I’m with Xav on this one,” Salvatore says, pushing his chair back and standing up. “Sticking our noses into the boss’s sex life is a good way to end up shot.”
“He’s my brother,” Elio points out.
“Then you go ask him if he’s been secretly deepthroating Fitzpatrick. Godspeed.”
Elio cringes. “Yeah, good point. I’m not touching that one.”
Xav gets up too, and he and Salvatore walk away, leaving me alone with Elio.
“I fucked up,” I mutter again, shaking my head.
“You’re fine. Lorenzo has a temper, but he’s not an asshole. It’s not like he’s going to kill you over one insensitive joke.” He downs the rest of his drink, then sets his glass down and studies me intensely for a few seconds. “You okay, Les? You seem off lately.”
I shouldn’t be surprised that Elio can see right through me. We were always closer than Enzo and me, even when we were kids before all that shit went down.
“I’m good,” I lie.
“Bullshit,” he says immediately. “If you don’t want to talk about it though, I’m not going to pry.” He stands up and pats me on the shoulder the same way Sal did. “Have a good night. Work on some better jokes.” He shoots me a wink, then takes off.
I huff a laugh, trying to ease some of the tension from my chest, and finally get to my feet too. Fuck, this day sucked. Maybe I should go back to Wonderland and see if Spettro is there again. He seemed like a regular, so there’s a decent chance.
My phone vibrates in my pocket as I’m making my way out of Wild, and I walk right into some guy in my haste to check the message. He turns around to glare at me, but the irritation turns to fear as soon as he sets eyes on me.
“Problem?” I ask sarcastically, shooting him a grin. He shakes his head and hurries off while I turn my attention to my phone, unlocking the screen so I can check my messages.
SPETTRO: I like you needy, slut. Leave your window unlocked.
Maybe this day is finally turning around.
Chapter
Ten
GHOST
I forcemyself to leave Wild while Alessio is still inside. The promise that I’ll see him later makes it easier to let him out of my sight.Easier, but not easy, and I think if I hadn’t spent the last seven years getting used to denying myself the things I crave, I wouldn’t be able to do it at all. I wish I knew what I was likebefore. Have I always been this prone to addiction or did the abuse I suffered at the Reapers’ hands make me this way?
The answer wouldn’t change anything, but the question lingers in my mind anyway as I make my way outside, leaving the lights and noise of the club behind, the smell of cheap cologne and sweat lingering in my nose even after I drag in a few breaths of fresh air. Who I used to be is just as much of a mystery as the face I can’t put a name to. Maybe that’s why he keeps haunting my dreams. Whoever he is, he knows a version of me I never will. It might be better if I never meet him again. The person I am now would probably horrify him, disgust him, maybe even break his heart. There’s no way he could understandthe darkness that lives in me now. I might not know anything about who I used to be, but I’m sure I wasn’t always like this.
I’m not in any hurry to get to Alessio’s. No, that’s a lie. Iamin a hurry, but I force myself not to rush straight there. He won’t be home yet anyway, and if I don’t get a handle on the things I’m feeling, I’m bound to blow it. Whatever he said to me last night, whatever needs and deep-seated desperation it unlocked, I need to remember my main focus. The Reapers need to be dealt with, every last one of them, and I can’t let my guard down with Alessio until I know where the Morettis stand.