I just wanted to forget.
To not be the one left behind while everyone else moved forward. A few red flashes take over my thoughts. I see Diego under me, a knife in my hand. It slashes. Sinking deep into his stomach.
A dull roar fills my head. The blood. Trying to run from the images is impossible, and I am forced to stare at the truth head on. My eyes burn as the truth slaps me across the face. I was having problems, and I waited too long to go to Ulla. I shouldn’t have settled for her apprentice, I should have waited.
And now… my selfish neglect has resulted in a death.
The world wasn’t unsafe.
I was.
"Arlet."
Estela’s voice is soft, careful.
I don’t look at her.
"Something is wrong with you, and we’ll find out what."
Her words shatter me.
I had been lying in a pool of my own blood once when Daniel had told me those exact words—Something is wrong with you.
I grit my teeth.
Maybe Daniel is somewhere nearby. Maybe he will reappear to remind me of how awful I was. How broken I was.
I already know. Iknow. But can anyone actually fix this?
"I’d like to be alone," I murmur.
Estela steps forward, coming fully into my line of sight.
"I don’t think?—"
"I AM DANGEROUS!" The words rip from me, jagged enough to tear at my throat. "Leave me be!"
Estela’s eyes widen. Then she steps back. Instead of pressing, she lets me go.
For a moment, the silence is suffocating. But she returns into view. She always does that.
"Arlet, we need you to stay still."
Her hand closes over mine, warm and steady.
I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling the burn of unwanted tears.
Voices hum around me—questions, theories, but they are distant. I am lost in the black swirl of my thoughts, desperately clawing for memories of what happened.
My mind fractures.
Violence is seldom my answer when it comes to solving problems. How could I have killed someone? It is different from the spider or the day I spent lost.
I can remember parts of this act.
The world spins and my head throbs. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. Time passes, but I can’t tell how long.
"Arlet?" A voice pulls me back.