Her lips part.
"Oh."
She did make me angry from time to time, but the edge I sported around her was something else. Something unsure of how to be… friendly. Upon meeting, she didn’t like my commanding tone, but she also didn’t even try to understand my position as the king’s advisor. From there, the sourness between us had been a long string of my inept ability to speak my mind. That caused growing resentment.
I knew it was happening. I just didn’t know how to stop it.
Instead of fumbling this moment, I tap the top of the scroll again.
"So why?" My voice is calm, but there’s an edge beneath it. "Why parade yourself around to find a partner? Surely there's enough interest elsewhere."
Everyone loves Arlet. Even if not romantically. When she’d been with Joso, I hadn’t liked it, but he was far from the only one gazing upon her with stars in their eyes. It wasn’t her fault she picked someone as useful as a sword with no edge.
As my thoughts unfurl something dark and dangerous twists in my gut. I didn’t like talking about potential suitors.
She pauses, fingers playing with the tie around her waist. The one that holds the thin, barely-there fabric to her skin.
Stop. Thinking.
"You know how cruel that statement is, Vann. You saw what happened with Joso. He—I wasn’t what he wanted. It’s not the first time it’s happened.”
A sharp, icy stillness spreads through me. First, knowing I’ve saidthe wrong thing again, but then I’m angry at Joso. I should have done more than punch him.
"Call me foolish, but I want to be loved. Just once." Her voice is quiet, raw. A delicate silver line appears along her bottom lashes. "It could be easy to find someone at the festival. So many people. So many options."
Every part of me pauses.
Too many options.
Her words sting against the cold, empty space where my heart should be. I wonder, if I actually had one, would this feel worse?
"Hmm.”
She looks away, brushing her fingers over the scroll.
“Estela is making me go,” she admits. “And I’ve just been lugging this around all day."
I bark out a laugh.
“Yes. They are insistent we all go.”
Her eyes brighten, her mouth quirking in amusement.
“So you are joining me?”
I think about finding her earlier. The blood on her nightgown. That small spark of joy tamps down any warmth I might have felt.
"Aren't you afraid they'll find out your secret?" I murmur. She was so set on not letting anyone know what happened in front of her house. How will she even be able to tell someone she’s in danger?
Her expression twists, true hurt flashing in her eyes.
Damn. Another misstep. Another crack in the fragile ground between us. There must be a way to fix this—to untangle the threads before they fray beyond repair.
I need to show her I mean well.
"How dare you?—"
"It might be best if you tell me exactly what you're looking for in a husband. I could be of help… especially with the matching system." I grin, broad and sharp.