My mind is fully homed onto his words.
“Then what?”
“He followed her. She made him feel a lot of things, though it hurt like getting crushed by a fucking boulder. Then, slowly, it stopped hurting so much, not because of magic, but because of her. Through the way she saw the world. You see, she stopped looking at the world with fear. She found wonder.”
Vann’s mouth tilts into a small, crooked smile. “The fool watched as the woman who had only lived for others began to live for herself. It inspired him—made him want to live, too.”
The desire ebbs so harshly that I double over in pain. It takes a second for me to come to, but I find Vann leaning over me when I do.
I wince. Then ask, “Why was this man without a heart? Is that an expression or…?”
Vann’s expression shifts, the humor slipping away like mist burned off by the morning sun. His jaw tightens.
“It is literal. He traded it,” he says softly. “Long ago.”
The flames crackle, casting flickering shadows across his sharp features. I swallow against the lump in my throat.
“For what?” I ask, though I’m not sure I want to know.
Vann’s eyes return to mine, glacier-bright and filled with something raw and unspoken. "For a love he wasn't supposed to have. A promise made in a moment of myopic devotion." His voice dips lower, rougher. "Now, he's torn in half—haunted by a woman who no longer lives, and drawn to one he shouldn't be allowed to want."
The fire crackles. My breath catches. I don’t know what to say.
“Is that story real?” I manage.
“Are any stories real?” he responds. “You read quite a lot of them.”
I think for a second, but he interrupts my addled mind.
“Do you feel more like yourself yet?” Vann asks abruptly.
I open my mouth, trying to think back to the story, to my questions, but they become thin. Flying like severed cobwebs caught in a breeze.
“What did you say?”
“I said, do you feel better?”
I swallow,then nod my head.
He smiles. “The exhaustion will come soon. Rest, for we will travel in the morning.”
And then he turns away and begins preparing his bed. He’s right, soon, my limbs feel heavy and my lids droop.
A voice sounds in my ear.
“If you still want this after the heat passes, you know where to find me.”
I try to open my eyes, but I feel heavy. Tired. All I can manage is a soft smile.
For the first time in a long while, I think of home. Of the blanket I’d been weaving in my room. I realize what is supposed to come next.
Daniel—a rocky river I couldn’t cross.
Joso—a sun-soaked meadow that wasn’t meant for me.
I’d started to weave an emerald forest. Vann is like that forest—a vast place I could spend a lifetime discovering.
Chapter 31