But the truth was, I’d enjoyed those things before. And finding a story with that included that made me feel like I wasn’t alone—wasn’t broken.
The words made me feel like… if I tried it again, I could move on.
It didn’t have to be about reliving sorrows. It could be about control. Safety.
Trust.
I didn’t think it was wrong to want to experience that in a different way, with the right person.
Sometimes, I think so much about being a mother and motherhood, I forget the part of me that desires.
And Vann… well he couldn’t be my mate. That title had been given to another. But I wondered if he could be the person I let myself explore with.
I soak until the heat dissolves the tension from my muscles and I’m able to scrub the sweat and dirt from my skin. But as I rub the wash rag over my arms and neck, my mind continues to spin.
When the cloth used for scrubbing scrapes over my nipple, I gasp.
Looking around, I don’t see anyone near. The maid certainly hasn’t returned.
A part of me is cautious, as I’m not sure when she will, and there is a festival to attend. But, the curse and the possession felt far away. In fact, we were closer than ever to breaking it.
I need this.
So I lean back, bracing myself against one of the stones. I use the cloth to scrape over my breasts and my wrists lightly.
Then I venture lower, and let myself do something I’d tried hard to avoid. I picture Vann.
I close my eyes, and pretend that the cloth was really his calloused hand. When I stroke over my lower belly, I shiver.
My cunt clenches and floods with heat.
“Vann,” I murmur as I delicately rub the rough cloth against the sensitive bundle of nerves above my sex.
The skin on my neck and cheeks flushes and I swallow thickly.
It feels good.
I think of him, holding me so I can’t move. So I have no choice but to give into his affection. When I imagine a ghost of his breath across my neck, whispering sweet words, I cry out and come.
I clamp my damp hand over my mouth.
Fuck.
That was loud.And fast.
I run my finger through my hair, panting. It’d been too long. I should’ve…
Steps echo in the hallway.
“Lady Arlet?” the servant calls out. “May I enter?”
“Yes,” I say, voice high. I try to hide the meager evidence of what I’d done, as she comes in.
I help myself out of the pool, and she uses a cloth to dry my body. I stop her at one point, preferring not to be touched right now.
She seems confused, but helps me with my hair. She dries it with a brush and towel, and then starts braiding.
“I didn’t take too long, right?” I ask.