It’s wrong that should soothe me, but it does all the same.
“How did you meet?” Arlet asks, her voice careful.
I pause, flipping through old memories. It takes me a moment to continue.
“She was born into silk and song as a nobleman’s daughter withsoft hands and a sharper mind. But she never wanted the life that was laid out for her. She was restless, always looking beyond the walls of her father’s home, craving something bigger than the fate of a well-bred wife.”
Arlet raises her eyebrows. “I didn’t know enduares thought that of women.”
I shrug. “We were never as bad as the elves, but there were quiet customs observed by more traditional families that kept women at home. She didn’t like it. ”
Adra was so eager. So full of life.
My eyes find Arlet. Some might see similarities between their personalities and their ability to shine in any situation.
But Arlet was very different. She has a gentle calmness that Adra lacked.
Not better. Not worse. Just different. And my heart… Well. It doesn’t matter what my heart says because it no longer beats in my chest.
“She ran away from her father to join the military and that is where we met. Service was not easy for her, but she worked hard. I remember how she looked at me—like I was a world she didn’t understand but wanted to. Sadly, love isn’t armor. And it wasn’t enough to keep her safe,” I finish.
Arlet’s face grows serious. Then she reaches out, and places her hand over mine as it rests on my knee. It’s like a flame lights over my entire skin.
“Lo lamento,Vann,” she murmurs in her tongue.
I like the way she does that. Switching between words to suit the tone of the situation—enduar for sassing, human for soothing, and the common tongue for communicating.
There was a vastness under her smiling exterior that I crave to know.
Arlet shifts. “She sounds perfect. And…”
“Yes?”
“She was your mate?” she asks again.
I’d intentionally avoided the question before, but it’s impossible to do so a second time.
I hesitate, my mind racing. If I tell her the truth, she’ll know about the emptiness I carry with me, and she might press until I reveal my secret—that I don’t have a heart. If she finds out, she’ll want to help. She’s always trying to fix things, but this can’t be fixed.
Or worse… I’ll have to admit that there was—or maybe still is—a mate for me, and I rejected the goddess’s blessing to be with someone else. Someone long gone.
So, there were two options before me. Lie—a wrong thing that would save me trouble. Or tell the truth, and create more trouble.
I hate lies, but I don’t think I can bear what comes with the truth.
Not with Arlet peering up at me. Our tentative relationship had grown so much in the time we’d spent together. A part of me is frightened by what we could be, and a larger part fears hurting her.
So I decide. A lie, however bitter, will keep things simple.
I force a smile, even though it doesn’t reach my eyes. "Yes,” I say, my voice a little rough. "She was."
“Oh,” then she pauses. “For some reason, I had thought, since you attended the Mating Journey, you weren’t?—”
“I did that mostly to protect you,” I say. That isn’t a lie.
She nods, drawing in a breath.
“I’m sure it was a bond you cherished," she says, looking away, her hands folding in her lap. "Love is a strange thing. It can shape us, even when it’s gone."